Category Archives: uncategorized

The Spread of the Sapphire/Slammer

The Spread of the Sapphire/Slammer Worm, from Berkeley. Scary stuff. Propagation speed was Sapphire’s novel feature: in the first minute, the infected population doubled in size every 8.5 (±1) seconds. The worm achieved its full scanning rate (over 55 million scans per second) after approximately three minutes, after which the rate of growth slowed down somewhat because significant portions of the network did not have enough bandwidth to allow it to operate unhindered. Most vulnerable machines were infected within 10-minutes of the worm’s release.

Bill says hi.

If you are a classroom teacher and you have a Mac, this offer is too good to pass up. Seriously. Apple is making some great moves in education right now.

Speaking of Apple, InfoWorld has named the “Apple Platform” as one of the Top Ten Technologies of 2002: The Mac platform is taking shape as one that users and developers outside Apple’s established niche markets can embrace.

Top Ten Songs

10) Troubled Times – Fountains of Wayne
9) Philosophy – Ben Folds Five
8) Island in the Sun – Weezer
7) The Heart of Worship – Matt Redman
6) Long Way Down (Look What the Cat Drug In) – Michael Penn
5) Love Is Against the Grain – Dime Store Prophets
4) I Will Praise You (Psalm 42) – Darren Clarke
3) Worlds Apart – Jars of Clay
2) Brian Wilson – Barenaked Ladies
1) Say It Ain’t So – Weezer

Top Ten Simpsons Episodes

In no particular order…

Homer the Heretic

God: Don’t worry, Homer. Nine out of ten religions fail in their first year.Reverend Lovejoy: No, but He was working in the hearts of your friends and neighbors when they came to your aid, be they Christian, Jew, or… miscellaneous.
Apu: Hindu! There are 700 million of us.
Reverend Lovejoy: Aw, that’s super.

Mr. Plow

Adam West: Michelle Pfeiffer? Ha! The only true Catwoman is Julie Newmar, Lee Meriwether, or Eartha Kitt.

Homer: If you’re going to get mad at me every time I do something stupid, then I guess I’ll just have to stop doing stupid things!

Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire

Bart: You must really love us to sink so low.

Homer: I don’t deserve you as much as a guy with a fat wallet and a credit card that won’t set off that horrible beeping.

The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show

Roger Meyer, Jr.: You kids don’t know what you want! That’s why you’re still kids: ’cause you’re stupid! Just tell me what’s wrong with the freakin’ show!

TV Exec: We’re talking the original dog from hell.
Writer: You mean Cerberus?

Writer: Excuse me, but “proactive” and “paradigm”? Aren’t these just buzzwords that dumb people use to sound important? Not that I’m accusing you of anything like that. I’m fired, aren’t I?

Homer: Is this cartoon going on the air live?
June: No, Homer. Very very cartoons are broadcast live. It’s a terrible strain on the animators’ wrists.

Bart the Daredevil

Caption Lance Murdoch: Now a lot of people are going to be telling you you’re crazy, and maybe they’re right. But the fact of the matter is: Bones heal. Chicks dig scars. And the United States of America has the best doctor-to-daredevil ratio in the world!

Bart: Dad, I want to be a daredevil.
Homer: Heh heh heh. Kids say such stupid things.

Who Shot Mr. Burns?

Abe Simpson: That’s my old Smith and Wesson. If you’re gonna play with it, be careful, ’cause its loaded.

[Homer spray paints “I am Homer Simpson” on Burns’ office wall.]
Mr. Burn: Who the devil are you?

Marge: I guess it’s never the most likely suspect.
Lisa: Actually, Mom, in 95% of cases, it is. The rest of the time, it’s usually some deranged lunatic who did it for no reason.
Homer: Hey! I had a damn good reason. He could never remember my name.

Rosebud

Homer: Oh, where did I lose ’em? I’ll never wiggle my bare butt in public again.
Lisa: I’d like to believe that this time. I really would.

Burns: [toward the Ramones] Have the Rolling Stones killed.
Smithers: Sir, those aren’t —
Burns: Do as I say!

You Only Move Twice

Marge: Mr. Scorpio, this house is almost too good for us. I keep expecting to get the bum’s rush.
Hank: We don’t have bums in our town, Marge, and if we did they wouldn’t rush; they’d be allowed to go at their own pace.

Hank: Your job will be to manage and motivate them. Give ’em the benefit of your years of experience.
Homer: Don’t worry, that won’t take long.

The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson

Marge: Homer, I don’t want you driving around in a car you built yourself.
Homer: Marge, you can stand there finding faults or you can knit me some seatbelts.

Homer: Now what do you have to wash that awful taste out of my mouth?
Vendor: Mountain Dew or crab juice.
Homer: Blecch! Ew! Sheesh! I’ll take a crab juice…

Krusty Gets Kancelled

Krusty: I’ve had plenty of guys come after me, and I’ve buried them all. Sea Captain. Joey Bishop.
Pennycandy: Don’t forget the Special Olympics.
Krusty: Oh, yeah… I slaughtered the Special Olympics!

Krusty: Thirty-five years in television and already nobody remembers me. Just like what’s-his-face.

Top Ten Movies

10) A Bug’s Life

I swear, if I hadn’t promised Mother on her deathbed that I wouldn’t kill you, I would kill you!

\t\t\t\t\t9) Christmas Vacation

Every time Catherine would turn on the microwave, I’d piss my pants and forget who I was for about half an hour.

\t\t\t\t\t8) The Two Towers

Where is the horse and the rider? Where is the horn that was blowing? They have passed like rain on the mountain, like a wind in the meadow; The days have gone down in the West behind the hills into shadow.

\t\t\t\t\t7) Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

Oh, he’s drunk. How would he know where we’re going?

\t\t\t\t\t6) Swordfish

Have you ever heard of Harry Houdini? Well he wasn’t like today’s magicians who are only interested in television ratings. He was an artist. He could make an elephant disappear in the middle of a theater filled with people, and do you know how he did that? Misdirection.

\t\t\t\t\t5) Citizen Kane

You’re right, I did lose a million dollars last year. I expect to lose a million dollars this year. I expect to lose a million dollars *next* year. You know, Mr. Thatcher, at the rate of a million dollars a year, I’ll have to close this place in… 60 years.

\t\t\t\t\t4) Real Genius

If you think that by threatening me you can get me to do what you want… Well, that’s where you’re right. But – and I am only saying that because I care – there’s a lot of decaffeinated brands on the market that are just as tasty as the real thing.

\t\t\t\t\t3) Better Off Dead

Go that way, really fast. If something gets in your way, turn.

\t\t\t\t\t2) The Matrix

Throughout human history, we have been dependent on machines to survive. Fate, it seems, is not without a sense of irony.

\t\t\t\t\t1) The Fellowship of the Ring

They were once men – great kings of men. Then Sauron the deceiver gave to them nine rings of power. Blinded by their greed, they took them without question. One by one they’ve fallen into darkness. Now they are slaves to his will. They are the Nazgul, Ringwraiths, neither living nor dead. At all times they feel the presence of the Ring, drawn to the power of the One. They will never stop hunting you.

Some words of real hatred,

Some words of real hatred, stuff via ABC News: “We are happy that it broke up,” [Iraqi] government employee Abdul Jabbar al-Quraishi said. “God wants to show that his might is greater than the Americans. They have encroached on our country. God is avenging us,” he said.

Makes me sick to my stomach.

Top Ten Albums

\t\t10) Lincoln – They Might Be Giants\t\t

Ana Ng and I are growing old
\t\t\tAnd we still haven’t walked in the glow of each other’s majestic presence
\t\t\tListen, Ana, hear my words
\t\t\tThey’re the words you would think I would say
\t\t\tIf there was a me for you
\t\t\t”Ana Ng”

\t\t9) Muswell Hillbillies – The Kinks\t\t

You keep all your smart modern writers
\t\t\tGive me William Shakespeare
\t\t\tYou keep all your smart modern painters
\t\t\tI’ll take Rembrandt, Titian, Da Vinci, and Gainsborough
\t\t\t”20th Century Man”

\t\t8) Grind – Jawbone Hill\t\t

Hey, baby, look to the seasons
\t\t\tHey, baby, feel them one by one
\t\t\tHey, baby, shout to the rainbow
\t\t\tTell the Artist about His beautiful light
\t\t\t”Sun, Moon, and Angels”

\t\t7) The Burn Service – Vineyard Music Group\t\t

You are the fountain of my life
\t\t\tAnd in Your light I find my reason
\t\t\t’Cause Your love reaches to the stars
\t\t\tEven the great deep
\t\t\tAnd Your love reaches to this heart
\t\t\tAnd it makes me sing
\t\t\t”Your Love Reaches Me”

\t\t6) Utopia Parkway – Fountains of Wayne\t\t

When you think you’ve found something worth holding onto
\t\t\tReaching for attention, hoping she would notice
\t\t\tYou collecting bottles and thrown away cans
\t\t\tLike she was returnable, one day would refill your hands
\t\t\tHow she loved you, all you imagined
\t\t\tFit so well into your plans
\t\t\t”Troubled Times”

\t\t5) Resigned – Michael Penn\t\t

What once I took as remedies were only chalk hypotheses
\t\t\t’Tis the season for a breeze to blow them all away
\t\t\tTo add insult to injury, the sum you gets means I agree
\t\t\tSo you can call that empathy and find someone else to blame
\t\t\t”All That That Implies”

\t\t4) Ben Folds Live – Ben Folds\t\t

I pushed you ’cause I loved you guys
\t\t\tI didn’t realize you weren’t having fun
\t\t\tAnd I dragged you up the stairs and told you to fly
\t\t\tFlapping your arms, you started to cry you were too high
\t\t\t”Philosophy”

\t\t3) Much Afraid – Jars of Clay\t\t

Fare thee well
\t\t\tWe’re trading all our words for tea and sympathy
\t\t\tWonder why we try for things that could never be
\t\t\tPlay our heart’s lament like an unrehearsed symphony
\t\t\t”Tea and Sympathy”

\t\t2) Pinkerton – Weezer\t\t

Yesterday I went outside
\t\t\tWith my mama’s mason jar
\t\t\tCaught a lovely butterfly
\t\t\tWhen I woke up today
\t\t\tLooked in on my fairy pet
\t\t\tShe had withered all away
\t\t\t”Butterfly”

\t\t1) Gordon – Barenaked Ladies\t\t

Drove downtown in the rain
\t\t\tNine thirty on a Tuesday night
\t\t\tJust to check out the late night record shop
\t\t\t”Brian Wilson”