In no particular order…
Homer the Heretic
Apu: Hindu! There are 700 million of us.
Reverend Lovejoy: Aw, that’s super.
Homer: If you’re going to get mad at me every time I do something stupid, then I guess I’ll just have to stop doing stupid things!
Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire
Homer: I don’t deserve you as much as a guy with a fat wallet and a credit card that won’t set off that horrible beeping.
The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show
TV Exec: We’re talking the original dog from hell.
Writer: You mean Cerberus?
Writer: Excuse me, but “proactive” and “paradigm”? Aren’t these just buzzwords that dumb people use to sound important? Not that I’m accusing you of anything like that. I’m fired, aren’t I?
Homer: Is this cartoon going on the air live?
June: No, Homer. Very very cartoons are broadcast live. It’s a terrible strain on the animators’ wrists.
Bart the Daredevil
Bart: Dad, I want to be a daredevil.
Homer: Heh heh heh. Kids say such stupid things.
Who Shot Mr. Burns?
[Homer spray paints “I am Homer Simpson” on Burns’ office wall.]
Mr. Burn: Who the devil are you?
Marge: I guess it’s never the most likely suspect.
Lisa: Actually, Mom, in 95% of cases, it is. The rest of the time, it’s usually some deranged lunatic who did it for no reason.
Homer: Hey! I had a damn good reason. He could never remember my name.
Lisa: I’d like to believe that this time. I really would.
Burns: [toward the Ramones] Have the Rolling Stones killed.
Smithers: Sir, those aren’t —
Burns: Do as I say!
You Only Move Twice
Hank: We don’t have bums in our town, Marge, and if we did they wouldn’t rush; they’d be allowed to go at their own pace.
Hank: Your job will be to manage and motivate them. Give ’em the benefit of your years of experience.
Homer: Don’t worry, that won’t take long.
The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson
Homer: Marge, you can stand there finding faults or you can knit me some seatbelts.
Homer: Now what do you have to wash that awful taste out of my mouth?
Vendor: Mountain Dew or crab juice.
Homer: Blecch! Ew! Sheesh! I’ll take a crab juice…
Krusty Gets Kancelled
Pennycandy: Don’t forget the Special Olympics.
Krusty: Oh, yeah… I slaughtered the Special Olympics!
Krusty: Thirty-five years in television and already nobody remembers me. Just like what’s-his-face.