Top Ten Movies

10) A Bug’s Life

I swear, if I hadn’t promised Mother on her deathbed that I wouldn’t kill you, I would kill you!

\t\t\t\t\t9) Christmas Vacation

Every time Catherine would turn on the microwave, I’d piss my pants and forget who I was for about half an hour.

\t\t\t\t\t8) The Two Towers

Where is the horse and the rider? Where is the horn that was blowing? They have passed like rain on the mountain, like a wind in the meadow; The days have gone down in the West behind the hills into shadow.

\t\t\t\t\t7) Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

Oh, he’s drunk. How would he know where we’re going?

\t\t\t\t\t6) Swordfish

Have you ever heard of Harry Houdini? Well he wasn’t like today’s magicians who are only interested in television ratings. He was an artist. He could make an elephant disappear in the middle of a theater filled with people, and do you know how he did that? Misdirection.

\t\t\t\t\t5) Citizen Kane

You’re right, I did lose a million dollars last year. I expect to lose a million dollars this year. I expect to lose a million dollars *next* year. You know, Mr. Thatcher, at the rate of a million dollars a year, I’ll have to close this place in… 60 years.

\t\t\t\t\t4) Real Genius

If you think that by threatening me you can get me to do what you want… Well, that’s where you’re right. But – and I am only saying that because I care – there’s a lot of decaffeinated brands on the market that are just as tasty as the real thing.

\t\t\t\t\t3) Better Off Dead

Go that way, really fast. If something gets in your way, turn.

\t\t\t\t\t2) The Matrix

Throughout human history, we have been dependent on machines to survive. Fate, it seems, is not without a sense of irony.

\t\t\t\t\t1) The Fellowship of the Ring

They were once men – great kings of men. Then Sauron the deceiver gave to them nine rings of power. Blinded by their greed, they took them without question. One by one they’ve fallen into darkness. Now they are slaves to his will. They are the Nazgul, Ringwraiths, neither living nor dead. At all times they feel the presence of the Ring, drawn to the power of the One. They will never stop hunting you.

Top Ten Simpsons Episodes

In no particular order…

Homer the Heretic

God: Don’t worry, Homer. Nine out of ten religions fail in their first year.Reverend Lovejoy: No, but He was working in the hearts of your friends and neighbors when they came to your aid, be they Christian, Jew, or… miscellaneous.
Apu: Hindu! There are 700 million of us.
Reverend Lovejoy: Aw, that’s super.

Mr. Plow

Adam West: Michelle Pfeiffer? Ha! The only true Catwoman is Julie Newmar, Lee Meriwether, or Eartha Kitt.

Homer: If you’re going to get mad at me every time I do something stupid, then I guess I’ll just have to stop doing stupid things!

Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire

Bart: You must really love us to sink so low.

Homer: I don’t deserve you as much as a guy with a fat wallet and a credit card that won’t set off that horrible beeping.

The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show

Roger Meyer, Jr.: You kids don’t know what you want! That’s why you’re still kids: ’cause you’re stupid! Just tell me what’s wrong with the freakin’ show!

TV Exec: We’re talking the original dog from hell.
Writer: You mean Cerberus?

Writer: Excuse me, but “proactive” and “paradigm”? Aren’t these just buzzwords that dumb people use to sound important? Not that I’m accusing you of anything like that. I’m fired, aren’t I?

Homer: Is this cartoon going on the air live?
June: No, Homer. Very very cartoons are broadcast live. It’s a terrible strain on the animators’ wrists.

Bart the Daredevil

Caption Lance Murdoch: Now a lot of people are going to be telling you you’re crazy, and maybe they’re right. But the fact of the matter is: Bones heal. Chicks dig scars. And the United States of America has the best doctor-to-daredevil ratio in the world!

Bart: Dad, I want to be a daredevil.
Homer: Heh heh heh. Kids say such stupid things.

Who Shot Mr. Burns?

Abe Simpson: That’s my old Smith and Wesson. If you’re gonna play with it, be careful, ’cause its loaded.

[Homer spray paints “I am Homer Simpson” on Burns’ office wall.]
Mr. Burn: Who the devil are you?

Marge: I guess it’s never the most likely suspect.
Lisa: Actually, Mom, in 95% of cases, it is. The rest of the time, it’s usually some deranged lunatic who did it for no reason.
Homer: Hey! I had a damn good reason. He could never remember my name.

Rosebud

Homer: Oh, where did I lose ’em? I’ll never wiggle my bare butt in public again.
Lisa: I’d like to believe that this time. I really would.

Burns: [toward the Ramones] Have the Rolling Stones killed.
Smithers: Sir, those aren’t —
Burns: Do as I say!

You Only Move Twice

Marge: Mr. Scorpio, this house is almost too good for us. I keep expecting to get the bum’s rush.
Hank: We don’t have bums in our town, Marge, and if we did they wouldn’t rush; they’d be allowed to go at their own pace.

Hank: Your job will be to manage and motivate them. Give ’em the benefit of your years of experience.
Homer: Don’t worry, that won’t take long.

The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson

Marge: Homer, I don’t want you driving around in a car you built yourself.
Homer: Marge, you can stand there finding faults or you can knit me some seatbelts.

Homer: Now what do you have to wash that awful taste out of my mouth?
Vendor: Mountain Dew or crab juice.
Homer: Blecch! Ew! Sheesh! I’ll take a crab juice…

Krusty Gets Kancelled

Krusty: I’ve had plenty of guys come after me, and I’ve buried them all. Sea Captain. Joey Bishop.
Pennycandy: Don’t forget the Special Olympics.
Krusty: Oh, yeah… I slaughtered the Special Olympics!

Krusty: Thirty-five years in television and already nobody remembers me. Just like what’s-his-face.

Top Ten Songs

10) Troubled Times – Fountains of Wayne
9) Philosophy – Ben Folds Five
8) Island in the Sun – Weezer
7) The Heart of Worship – Matt Redman
6) Long Way Down (Look What the Cat Drug In) – Michael Penn
5) Love Is Against the Grain – Dime Store Prophets
4) I Will Praise You (Psalm 42) – Darren Clarke
3) Worlds Apart – Jars of Clay
2) Brian Wilson – Barenaked Ladies
1) Say It Ain’t So – Weezer

Oh, puke. Now that Apple

Oh, puke. Now that Apple has released the majorly butt-kickin’ Safari, Opera wants to take its ball and go home. Says the CEO: “I’m not a quitter, and our company isn’t a quitter, but it really is up to Apple,” said Jon von Tetzchner, chief executive of privately held Opera. “The Mac platform may not be viable for us any longer.” They don’t want to compete with Apple on Apple’s turf. Not that I blame them, but then why do they compete with Microsoft on Microsoft’s turf? Does anybody even use Opera on the Mac, anyway? And why would anybody pay for a browser these days?

By the way, Safari is now my default browser. I still miss tabbed browsing, sometimes painfully so, and I still find myself firing up Chimera for some things, but for the most part, it’s Safari all the way.

MacSlash: Can I Make Money Writing Shareware for the Mac? I freakin’ hope so. Otherwise that’s $300 down the drain for that copy of REALbasic.

My Slashdot post today, regarding

My Slashdot post today, regarding the article A Brief History of ClarisWorks:

ClarisWorks/AppleWorks is still my favorite productivity tool. When I work on files I need to share, I’m forced to use Office, but when it’s just for me, I use AppleWorks every time. The word processor doesn’t have as many bells and whistles as Word, but that’s fine, because all I want to do is write. I don’t need Clippy offering me all sorts of idiotic advice. I know how to write a letter!

The spreadsheet is not as nice as Excel, but it’s adequate for most people’s needs. The database is lame, I’ll admit. But the drawing tools are awesome. And the whole thing is object-oriented and integrated, just like the article says. Want a text box in your draw document? You have the full power of the word processor. Want a spreadsheet in your word processing document? You have the full spreadsheet right there.

It’s a shame that the product seems to be languishing in Version 6. I hope that we see a Version 7 soon. The product still has so much potential.

Went back to Innabah (doesn’t

Went back to Innabah (doesn’t look like the site is quite complete yet) this weekend. Wow, we haven’t been there since before we got married. The last time Jen and I were there together was in 1992 for a reunion dinner for the 1991 summer staff. I’d been there a few times since then to do computer work. It was fun to show Gracie the place we had worked years ago. She thought that was pretty neat.

We were there to help build up a Praise Band for Saint Paul’s United Methodist Church in Mountville, PA. What a great time. I spent Saturday teaching their musicians and singers a bunch of my favorite praise and worship songs. I must have been driving them harder than I thought, because by evening, they looked like a bunch of zombies.

Saturday night was a commitment service for the team. It wasn’t what I expected. We wanted to present salvation to each of the kids on the team (the praise band is mostly kids from the youth group). But, as it turns out, I don’t think any of them needed that. They were very mature, and they impressed me very much with their dedication to the Lord and their desire to serve.

But we got to see some real brokenness on Saturday night. A lot of walls fell down; some were torn down. There were tears of sorrow and tears of joy. It ended with the members of the praise band laying hands on Charlie, the worship leader, and praying over him. It was very moving, even for those of us who were really just along for the ride, so to speak, and not part of the team.

This morning, Jen and I spent about an hour leading an intimate time of worship for them. I don’t usually like to talk when I’m leading worship; I’m more music-oriented. But this morning I found myself talking about various scriptures and stories, really tying a lot of things together. When we were done with the worship time, I was really and truly exhausted.