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Tomorrow is one of my favorite days of the year: April Fool’s Day. Mike and I have some plans laid, but, for reasons which I hope are obvious, I can’t divulge them at this time.

My favorite joke from last year was John Moltz’s Painfully Serious Dell Rumors Site.

So, what are your best April Fool’s moments? Leave a comment. Let us in on the best prank you can remember, whether you were the perpetrator or the victim.

I’m halfway through day two at REAL World 2004. Last night we saw some great stuff at the keynote last night. I mentioned it briefly in my last entry, but now that I’ve had some time to mull it over and take it all in, it’s time to make some comments of my own, in addition to a recap of some of the specifics.

The first thing Geoff did last night was talk about the company’s vision and history. Their vision is more ambitious than I imagined, and it’s very encouraging. In a SteveNote grid, Geoff outlined the four areas where they want to see REALbasic succeed. Desktop and server apps occupied the first quadrant, perhaps predictably. The second quadrant was web apps, followed by handhelds/cell phones and plug-ins for other apps, respectively filling quadrants three and four. We didn’t see or hear anything about quadrants three or four last night, but the sutff Geoff showed in us the first two quadrants was enough to get all of us pretty fired up. More on that in a moment.

He also talked about the history of the company, which is a really interesting story. In 1998, Geoff found a link to a shareware program called CrossBasic. The link was on Macintouch. He looked at the program, which compiled Mac apps and Java apps. He was impressed with the app and called the author, who was doing it as sort of a nights and weekends project. Geoff asked him if he’d like to work on it full-time, and REAL Software was born. Later that year they shipped REALbasic 1.0, which produced only Mac apps. The Java support in CrossBasic was spotty at best, so it was removed. When it came time to crank out RB 2, it was apparent that compiling to Windows was more important than making Java apps. Version 3 was the first to run natively on Mac OS X. And in version 5, they made an IDE that runs natively on Windows. In the newest release, 5.5, it also compiles for Linux and creates GUI-less console apps.

Which brings us to today. Geoff then gave us a sneak peek at REALbasic 6. The interface has been totally redesigned, with a single-window “browser” type model. At first glance, I despised the new interface, but about fifteen seconds into Geoff’s demo, I realized the genius of it and fell in love. It’s not just flash and polish, it’s a fundamental improvement to the way you interact with the application. It’s fantastic. And it’s written in REALbasic. Wrap your head around that. REALbasic 6 is written in REALbasic.

The big news, to me at least, came second. There’s no official name yet, but they’re calling it Swordfish. It uses REALbasic language and syntax, but it compiles web applications. Stop and fully take that in: it compiled web applications. This is huge and major and big and many other superlatives. I spend so much time rewriting perfectly good RB apps in PHP because people want them on the web. Soon I won’t have to. Which is good, because as capable as PHP is, it’s tedious to write. REALbasic has the best autocomplete system out there, which makes it dead simple to write correct code. With PHP, even with the excellent syntax-coloring provided by SubEthaEdit, I feel like I’m always guessing. Plus I have to create everything by hand, as opposed to designing visually in REALbasic. But Swordfish looks like the ticket. In fact, in a few minutes, I’m going to a discussion session on it.

Tonight is the big Texas BBQ feast and the REALbasic design awards. I might sneak out early and spend some more time writing code.

So here I am in Austin, Texas. This is the first time I’ve been away completely alone. No Jen, no Gracie, not even a Dave or Mike. It’s weird being all alone in a hotel room. It’s so… quiet.

I just got back from the REAL World 2004 Keynote and Reception. Very cool stuff. I’ll probably write some detailed stuff later, but let’s just say there was a ton of stuff that will make my life easier. And Geoff Perlman did a great Steve-Jobs-style presentation, complete with “One More Thing” at the end.

The REALbasic mailing lists are very active. It’s nice to finally put faces with some of these names I’ve seen so many times. Some people don’t look at all like I imagined. Some do, for good or for ill. It’s funny. After you’ve been reading someone’s email messages for a long enough stretch of time, you begin to “hear” their voice, or what you would imagine it to be, inside your head, and you imagine what they look like. Reality so seldom matches up. But that’s a good thing.

And you can be very proud of me. I ate in a South American restaurant tonight. Yes, that’s right, Brad Rhine ate in a non-Italian ethnic place. So what did I venture to eat? I found a dish, whose name eludes me, that basically consists of two sirloin steak, smothered in grilled onions, and topped with two fried eggs. Yummy. Dr. Atkins would be proud. It was really very tasty, and made up for the “breakfast” they served on the flight: a package of Special K with lowfat milk and a banana with the stem removed (for security reasons?) so that I had to chew it open.

But both of my flights were good. On the first leg, from Philly to Houston, the seat next to me was empty. I was at the window, and there was some chick passed out in the aisle seat. “Great,” I thought. “Time to get some work done.” So I pulled out the PowerBook, and the people in front of me decided to recline so far back that at first I wondered if they had mistaken me for their dentist. So I listened to my iPod instead. I actually played the music quiz game for the first time. Pretty cool game.

Lotsa sirens outside all of a sudden. Whoa… the whole block is covered with police cars and fire trucks. Not good.

The second flight was very short: Houston to Austin. We spent as much time on the runway as we did in the air. Seriously.

The hotel is great. Hampton Inn and Suites. High speed Internet access in every room. Wireless in the common areas, supposedly. I haven’t tried it yet. There’s a swimming pool on the fourth floor. I have a great view of it from the window of my room on the 13th floor. If I could enough momentum to break through the window glass and make it about 30 feet past the window, I think I could do a killer cannonball. Oh, wait… “No Diving” sign. Forget that idea, then.

Dan wants me to pee on the Alamo, just to bug the Texans. I didn’t do that, but I did spit on Second Street, for whatever that’s worth.

In accordance with our usual tradition, we gathered at my Grandma’s house for Sunday dinner this evening. Grandma is 80 years old, and still insists on cooking for us. I think she honestly believes that if she doesn’t cook on Sunday, we all go hungry. At least Pop-Pop lets us help put the extra chairs away now.

Anyway, at the close of the main course, Grandma brought out dessert: banana cream pie, possibly the most perfect food known to man. Never content to offer her guests less than an astonishing and/or bewildering variety of choices, Grandma also brought out ice cream and Girl Scout cookies. Thin Mints to be precise.

I bit into a Thin Mint and said, “Remember when these used to be white in the middle?”

My mother and sister immediately scoffed at me. “They were never white in the middle,” they insisted. “They’re chocolate mint. They’ve always been chocolate mint.”

“Yes,” I replied. “I realize that they’re chocolate mint. But the chocolate coating takes care of the chocolate part. The minty cookie part inside used to be white.”

They persisted in their disbelief. Then my beloved and devoted bride entered the room. “Jen!” I called. “You remember. Thin Mints used to be white on the inside, right?”

Jen looked at me as she would a crazy person. “You’re thinking of Peppermint Patties,” she said. “Thin Mints have always been brown in the middle.”

That was just insulting. “I think I know the difference between cookies and candy,” I said. “OK, maybe not white. But off-white. Like a cream color.”

“Sure, they were off-white,” my sister said. “If you call brown off-white.”

Time to bring in the big guns. “Pop-Pop! Thin Mints used to be white in the middle, right?”

He didn’t remember. But he said he’d ask around.

My sister suggested that maybe I was thinking of Peppermint Patties. “I think I know the difference between cookies and candy,” I said. “And I’m definitely thinking of a cookie. It was crispy.”

“You’re thinking of those things my mom used to get out at holidays,” said Jen. “But they were more candy, not really cookies.”

“I THINK I KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN COOKIES AND CANDY!” I yelled, now getting annoyed. “In fact, I probably know more about cookies and candy than anyone, with the possible exception of him,” I added, pointing to me grandfather.

“Hey!” he said.

“Sorry, Pop,” I said. “But come on.”

Silence.

“I’m going straight to Google when I get home. I’ll prove you’re all wrong.”

Then the sarcasm came. “OK, Brad. You’re right. We’re all wrong. OK?”

“Google will prove my point.”

My mom suggested that not every piece of information in the world is available via Google. This, of course, is just wrong. If Google doesn’t know about it, it doesn’t exist.

This led into a discussion about how page rank works, which led to a discussion of what linking means. Apparently Pampered Chef won’t let consultants link to anyone else or let anyone link to them. Weird.

So I got home and went straight to Google, in keeping with my vow. A few hits later, I came upon this picture (enlarged for your benefit).

As you can plainly see, Thin Mints were, at one point, white in the middle.

I rest my case.

Smugly.

Or maybe, The Sunday Sorry So Late. Anyway…

If you…

1. …owned a restaurant, what kind of food would you serve?
Probably pizza. Really, really good pizza. The kind with big, floppy pieces, probably made by some really disgusting looking guy in the back and if you saw him you wouldn’t want to think about the fact that he touched your food but it’s just so good you don’t even care.

2. …owned a small store, what kind of merchandise would you sell?
I think it would be cool to run either a record store or a bookstore.

3. …wrote a book, what genre would it be?
It would cross genres. Scratch that – it will cross genres. I just need to finish it. I’ve been working on it for twelve years, and I have less than a chapter written. At this rate, I should finish it by… 2525.

4. …ran a school, what would you teach?
Either writing or computers. Maybe tech writing.

5. …recorded an album, what kind of music would be on it?
Oooh! I did this in 1997! And the answer is: crap. Hopefully, as I re-record some of my old songs in GarageBand, the answer will become less crappy.

DHMO Homepage: Dihydrogen Monoxide (DHMO) is perhaps the single most prevalent of all chemicals that can be dangerous to human life. Despite this truth, most people are not unduly concerned about the dangers of Dihydrogen Monoxide. Governments, civic leaders, corporations, military organizations, and citizens in every walk of life seem to either be ignorant of or shrug off the truth about Dihydrogen Monoxide as not being applicable to them. This concerns us.

This is good information here. Definitely worth reading.

It goes on: Most of these deaths are caused by accidental inhalation of DHMO, but the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide do not end there. Prolonged exposure to its solid form causes severe tissue damage. Symptoms of DHMO ingestion can include excessive sweating and urination, and possibly a bloated feeling, nausea, vomiting and body electrolyte imbalance. For those who have become dependent, DHMO withdrawal means certain death.

Apparently, they’re not the only ones concerned. MSNBC reports: City officials were so concerned about the potentially dangerous properties of dihydrogen monoxide that they considered banning foam cups after they learned the chemical was used in their production.

Slashdot has some DHMO-related discussion as well.

The whole truth about DHMO can be found here.

I have grave concerns for our future. Grave concerns.

Here’s a shot of my current visitors (actual numbers of hits are blurred, because that’s none of yer stinkin beezwax).

Now, I realize that my readership is skewed heavily toward the Mac, except for Windoze heathens like Bill and Josh. I’m very curious about the 24.5% “Unknown” though. What’s up with that? Atari? Commodore? TSR-80? Apple II? I don’t know. It remains a mystery.

The 3.7% from Linux are likely from Dave’s recent misadventures with Suse. Periodically, he stubbornly refuses to believe that Linux isn’t really ready for the desktop and insists upon installing a distribution somewhere, only to become dismayed and disenchanted shortly thereafter. But I digress.

Most interesting to me are the bottom three entries. BeOS, FreeBSD, and WebTV? Are you kidding me? FreeBSD isn’t a total shock, I guess, but BeOS? Who the heck uses BeOS anymore? Didn’t they hear what happened? And yes, I fully appreciate the irony of a Mac user teasing someone who uses an operating system with a microscopic market share, so there’s no need to point it out, thank you very much. To the BeOS user: show yourself! Leave a comment! Tell us why you’re using BeOS. Seriously, I’m not teasing. I’m really curious about it.

As for WebTV, well, I have an anecdote about that. I won’t get into the whole thing now, but it ended with me turning to a co-worker and saying, “You know, I always wondered what kind of person uses WebTV. Now I know.” Dave probably remembers.

Dave Winer writes: Even though the browser has severe limits for users, and the dominant browser is owned by Microsoft, users still want software to run in the browser.

I don’t think this is necessarily true. I’m not saying Dave’s wrong, just that he’s looking at the data from the wrong viewpoint.

I think users want real, honest-to-goodness, double-click-and-they-launch applications. I don’t think users want everything to be done in the browser. The browser is clunky. Text editing is difficult. Image editing is next to impossible, at least without the abomination we call Java. Interactivity is limited, and delayed by page refreshes. Doing any real work in a browser is annoying at best.

Now, take note that I’m talking about a certain kind of user here. I’m talking about, pretty much, my mom or my wife. Not a power user, who demands that the application be web-based so that it’s accessible everywhere. And not some neophyte who doesn’t understand the difference. I’m talking about your average, run-of-the-mill, I-use-the-computer-every-day-but-I-don’t-want-to-know-how-it-works kind of user.

But Dave’s not the first person to make this observation. It’s an opinion that’s becoming prevalent, and many people accept it as fact. So where does it come from? Easy: IT wants everything to be done in the browser. That way, there’s less to be deployed to each workstation, and each upgrade of an application doesn’t mean a visit to every single computer in the business/enterprise/district/whatever. It’s not what users want, it’s what they’ve been relegated to. And I know what I’m talking about: I’m in IT. It’s a royal pain to deploy a real, honest-to-goodness, double-click-and-they-launch application. Even with the best management software out there, it’s a drain on time and resources that can be spent on other problems.

This is a big reason why tangelo will be a desktop application instead of a web-based application. I think it’s what people really want. They just might not know it yet.

This week’s Friday 5:

1. What was the last song you heard?
“The Undiscovered” by Rock’N’Roll Worship Circus

2. What were the last two movies you saw?
Oh, Brother, Where Art Thou?
Almost Famous, Extended Cut

3. What were the last three things you purchased?
Slim Jim
Diet Pepsi (please play again)
Small jar of Kraft mayo

4. What four things do you need to do this weekend?
Work on tangelo
Do some recording
Have dinner with Brett
Work on the basement

5. Who are the last five people you talked to?
Jen
Gracie
Mary Anne
Becky
Jack (but he’s a dog)

That’s so… whoa.

I go into the iTunes Music Store and search for Bob Dylan. I find a song called “Bob Dylan” by a band named Mack, the Coffee Man.

Holy crap! We opened for them at The Mill in Lititz in 1997!

Whoa.