In accordance with our usual tradition, we gathered at my Grandma’s house for Sunday dinner this evening. Grandma is 80 years old, and still insists on cooking for us. I think she honestly believes that if she doesn’t cook on Sunday, we all go hungry. At least Pop-Pop lets us help put the extra chairs away now.
Anyway, at the close of the main course, Grandma brought out dessert: banana cream pie, possibly the most perfect food known to man. Never content to offer her guests less than an astonishing and/or bewildering variety of choices, Grandma also brought out ice cream and Girl Scout cookies. Thin Mints to be precise.
I bit into a Thin Mint and said, “Remember when these used to be white in the middle?”
My mother and sister immediately scoffed at me. “They were never white in the middle,” they insisted. “They’re chocolate mint. They’ve always been chocolate mint.”
“Yes,” I replied. “I realize that they’re chocolate mint. But the chocolate coating takes care of the chocolate part. The minty cookie part inside used to be white.”
They persisted in their disbelief. Then my beloved and devoted bride entered the room. “Jen!” I called. “You remember. Thin Mints used to be white on the inside, right?”
Jen looked at me as she would a crazy person. “You’re thinking of Peppermint Patties,” she said. “Thin Mints have always been brown in the middle.”
That was just insulting. “I think I know the difference between cookies and candy,” I said. “OK, maybe not white. But off-white. Like a cream color.”
“Sure, they were off-white,” my sister said. “If you call brown off-white.”
Time to bring in the big guns. “Pop-Pop! Thin Mints used to be white in the middle, right?”
He didn’t remember. But he said he’d ask around.
My sister suggested that maybe I was thinking of Peppermint Patties. “I think I know the difference between cookies and candy,” I said. “And I’m definitely thinking of a cookie. It was crispy.”
“You’re thinking of those things my mom used to get out at holidays,” said Jen. “But they were more candy, not really cookies.”
“I THINK I KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN COOKIES AND CANDY!” I yelled, now getting annoyed. “In fact, I probably know more about cookies and candy than anyone, with the possible exception of him,” I added, pointing to me grandfather.
“Hey!” he said.
“Sorry, Pop,” I said. “But come on.”
“I’m going straight to Google when I get home. I’ll prove you’re all wrong.”
Then the sarcasm came. “OK, Brad. You’re right. We’re all wrong. OK?”
“Google will prove my point.”
My mom suggested that not every piece of information in the world is available via Google. This, of course, is just wrong. If Google doesn’t know about it, it doesn’t exist.
This led into a discussion about how page rank works, which led to a discussion of what linking means. Apparently Pampered Chef won’t let consultants link to anyone else or let anyone link to them. Weird.
As you can plainly see, Thin Mints were, at one point, white in the middle.
I rest my case.