Thankful #13: Bobby

Today I am thankful for Bobby.

Bobby is our son that didn’t make it. He would be going on twelve years old had he made it.

October 31, 2000, was the worst day of my life. It started like any other, but around mid-morning I got a call from Jen saying that she didn’t feel right. She was pregnant at the time, so of course I was concerned. I left work and we ended up at the hospital for an emergency ultrasound.

I’ll never forget the look on the doctor’s face when she told us that our baby was no longer alive. It’s not something you’re ever prepared for. I mean, who ever expects something like that to happen?

Of course, it does happen, and as we’ve learned since, it happens a lot more than most people would guess. It’s amazing how many tragedies people have in common. We could all take such comfort in one another if we just opened up and let other know what was going on.

We named him Robert in honor of my grandfather. But we call him Bobby.

I would never have chosen to go through losing my son, and even looking back on all that I’ve learned from that loss, I know that I still wouldn’t choose it. But sometimes life has other plans, and for us, that included foster kids and eventually Jonathan.

I am thankful for Bobby.

Thankful #12: My Guitars

Today I am thankful for my guitars.

I hope this doesn’t come across as superficial, but I am truly thankful for my guitars. Not just for the ability and opportunity to play them, but for the the specific instruments that I currently own. I’ve gone through a lot of guitars over the years, buying and selling, including guitars from Rickenbacker, Parkwood, Harmony, Alvarez, and at my lowest point, Montana and RokAxe.

But my current lineup is pretty sweet, I gotta say.

First up is my pride and joy: my Martin DCPA4. This is my most recent purchase and will likely be my last for a while. But this thing is nice. I had been playing an Alvarez White Fusion for well over a decade as my primary acoustic/electric, but it was wearing out, and I wasn’t sure it was worth investing in getting it fixed up (full disclosure: I still have the Alvarez, and it’s great for around campfires). So I was in the market for a nice upgrade. I would have absolutely considered a high end Alvarez, something from their hand made line, if anyone around here carried them. But no such luck. So my choices were Gibson, Taylor, and Martin. Gibson was straight out: as much as I’d love a Hummingbird, there’s no way I could justify spending more than $2000 on a guitar. I’d be afraid to play it. Besides, I doubt that I play any better than, say, $700 worth. So Jen and I went to Guitar Center, determined to decide between Taylor and Martin.

In the end, there was no contest at all. At all. Taylors are great, and I know that lots of people prefer them, but they just sound too bright for me, almost tinny. But the Martin… oh my word. Gorgeous dark tone that perfectly matched the way I play the acoustic. I knew right away, and Jen smiled knowingly. The Martin was a clear winner. I’ve played this guitar at church nearly every week since I got it, as well as at several gigs and open mics. Never lets me down. And there’s something very cool about playing a guitar hand made in your own state by a company that’s been around since the 1840s.

Next up is my workhouse of an electric: my hollow body walnut Gretsch Electromatic 5120. I had been jonesing for a Gretsch for a long time. Especially after selling my semi-hollow Rickenbacker 330/6, I knew I wanted an electric with some resonance to it. I had my eye on the orange model for a couple reasons. First, orange is my favorite color. Second, Brian Setzer. I mean, come on.

I had been saving up cash from writing reviews for a programming magazine and squirreling away the money in a safe place. Once I had a good chunk of change saved up, I headed to Guitar Center again, with my son and one of the kids from church, figuring I’d only have enough to buy an Epiphone Dot or something like that. But it was a holiday, and that means a sale, and I walked out with the Gretsch and a hard case for way less than I ever could have guessed. The only downside was that they didn’t have orange or even black in stock. So if I wanted one that day, it was walnut or nothing. I chose walnut. Jen was thoroughly confused when I came home with a brand new guitar; she hadn’t known about the money I’d been saving up. But once she saw it, and once she heard it through my Peavey Classic 30, she approved.

Finally, there’s my little Danelectro ’59 (it’s actually a 2010 re-issue of their 1959 model). I got this on clearance at Guitar Center for $200, and I have to say: it is way more guitar than one could reasonably expect for that money. The sound it kicks out is incredibly hot, and the tone is wonderfully bitey. It even has really good action, especially for the money. Plus, its visual appeal is undeniable with its kitschy 50s vibe.

I am thankful for my guitars.

Thankful #11: My Home

Today I am thankful for my home.

We were not looking for a new home in 2008. It just kind of happened.

We were entering the final stages of the adoption process with Jonathan, and we were confident that nothing was going to fall through.

Which led us, naturally, to another problem. Our house at the time was just big enough for the four of us, but sharing one bathroom among two adults, one preteen girl, and one boy with special needs would soon become a problem. That much was obvious. So we got a few estimates for doing an addition to the house, and we were just about to commit.

One Sunday, out of the blue, Jen suggested we go to an open house. It was in Penn Manor, where we wanted to be, and it was a nice big house out in the country.

Correction: it was a big ugly house out in the country.

But there were horses that came right up to the fence out back, and there was a garage that I knew would make a good studio, and there was a master bedroom with its very own bathroom, and there was another bathroom and a powder room, and there was a great big yard for the kids to play in.

So we bit the bullet and bought the house.

It’s not ornate or fancy, but we don’t need ornate or fancy. It’s a good solid house.

I am thankful for my home.

Thankful #10: Our Foster Kids

Today I am thankful for our foster kids.

We had a total of six, Jonathan being the last, and the the only one to stay permanently.

The first three were in and out so quickly that it was a whirlwind. And we never really got to know them.

Number four was two days old when she same to us, and she stayed for five and a half months. Number five stayed even longer.

It hurts to think about those last two, because I felt like we had so much more to give them and learn about them.

But I’m thankful that I had them in my life at all, and that we got a chance to open our home to kids that needed it, and that we got to teach Grace maybe a little a something about service.

And I’m thankful that the path led us to Jonathan.

I am thankful for our foster kids.

Thankful #9: My Pets

Today I am thankful for my pets.

September 11, 2001, is a day that I will never forget. Aside from the obvious reason, it’s also the day we brought our dog Jack home from the Humane League. I had taken off from work for the morning so that I could go with Jen and Grace to pick him up (we had chosen him the prior Saturday), but with the attacks, I ended up taking off the whole day. We took him home and gave him a much needed bath, but not before he tried to run away for the first of countless times.

Despite his (now dormant) tendencies to attempt to escape, I’m very fond of Jack. He provides us with nearly endless entertainment and companionship, he warns us of intruders, even if they’re just other family members returning home, and he keeps my feet warm at night.

And then there was his act of valor. Grace would be be furious with me if I didn’t mention it. One night, in our old house, Jack repeatedly kept waking up and barking hysterically. He seemed to be beckoning us to follow him, like he had found Timmy down in the well or something, so eventually, tired of being awakened over and over, we followed him. He led us down to the basement, to the unfinished part where the gas furnace stood. Every few minutes, the furnace was belching flames into the open air. Not just a spark, but dragon-like bursts of fire. We immediately shut it down and when the repairmen came to replace it, they said we were lucky it hadn’t exploded. Because of that, Jack gets a free pass on all sorts of antisocial behavior.

He is not, however, as antisocial as my cats.

The older cat, Jill, came to us at church one Sunday morning. A member of our congregation had brought in a litter of kittens from the outdoor cats that hung around his home in the hopes of finding new homes for them. Despite my allergies and Grace’s allergies, she and Jen somehow convinced me to allow this cat to come home with us. I gave them two conditions. First, since the dog’s name is Jack, the cat must be named Jill, Diane, or Beanstalk. Second, I will not change the kitty litter.

Nobody seems to remember the second condition except for me.

Jill is a very pretty cat, and she can be quite loving. Too loving, sometimes, bordering on creepy. Her relationship with me is unhealthily codependent. There are times when she won’t let anyone but me touch her. She can bite one of the kids, and then turn to me, purring and making eyes at me. Very creepy. But when she’s in a good mood, she can be very friendly. The good moods just don’t happen very often.

The younger cat, Maddie, just showed up one day. My kids were outside with the neighbor kids and Maddie just wandered up. The neighbor kids’ dad stood stronger than I did, and Maddie ended up in our home. Part time, at least. She wants to spend most of her time outside, only stopping in occasionally for a meal, to crash on the couch for a bit, to use the litterbox, and maybe check her mail or something.

It’s a struggle to keep Maddie inside. She has actually hidden under the dog and snuck outside when we let Jack out. Many is the morning I open the sliding door to find Maddie waiting to come inside, having been who knows where all night. I know that lots of cats do things like that, but I worry about her getting stuck somewhere or picking a fight with the wrong wild animal, because I’m a softy like that. But as Jen likes to say, “You can’t take the wild out of a stray.”

So that’s our menagerie as it currently stands. The children have been informed that if they want any more pets, it’s a “one in, one out” arrangement from here on out.

But despite their quirks and, in Jill’s case, stalker-ish tendencies, it’s always nice to have another creature in the house that we can share our love with.

I am thankful for my pets.

Thankful #8: The Etown Survivors’ Guild

Today I am thankful for the Etown Survivors’ Guild.

But perhaps this needs some explanation.

From February of 1998 through September of 2009, I worked for the Elizabethtown Area School District. During my time there, I had the privilege of working with lots of good people. A few of us became good friends and keep in touch to this day, even though we don’t see each other as often as we’d like.

When I started at Etown, I worked with Joe Way, whom I’ve known since Kindergarten. There are very few non-family relationships in my life that have lasted longer than my friendship with Joe. For the duration of our time together at Etown, it was just the two of us handling all technical work (there was someone else in our department that handled professional development, but that’s a series of unfortunate stories for another day). Joe left for greener pastures, and considerably more money, in the fall of 1999.

Joe’s departure left room for the return of David Mancuso, who had worked at Etown prior to a stint at Manheim Township School District (where I now work). Dave and I immediately became fast friends. Through the years, he’s been like a big brother to me, whether he was getting a forklift stuck in the mud or driving us all crazy because he decided to take some Aderall that wasn’t prescribed to him. I confess that I have tormented David somewhat mercilessly over the years, from repeatedly changing the language settings on his computer to Catalan, to the time we stuffed a towel into his vent to block the air conditioning from coming into his office.

Dave and I recognized the need for another tech person in the department, so when the after mentioned professional development person departed, we moved to hire Mike Williams, who was, at the time, working for Manheim Township. Mike, whom I’ve known since Middle School, joined the team in the summer of 2000. We love to tease Mike about his temper (but never for too long at one time), but the guy would give his friends the shirt off his back when needed. It was comforting to know that if I ever needed to have someone’s kneecaps broken, I could count on Mike.

Dan Baver joined the team a few years later. We made fun of Dan for being a hippie (he wasn’t), and because he was a vegetarian (he was, at least until the day he ate some pepperoni pizza for lunch), but everybody loved Dan. Except the superintendent at the time, who was apparently unaware that Dan was a paid employee; I can only assume that he thought Dan was some sort of full-time volunteer. But he wasn’t; he was an employee, and a darn good one at that.

Shortly thereafter, through another series of twists and turns, we hired Tom Crawford. Tom and I hit it off right away because of our mutual love of music (Tom is a monster on the guitar, and probably even better on the bass) and staying up late, when we would inevitably wind up on iChat, discussing any random topic that might cross our brains. Our offices kinda sorta faced each other, so we quickly developed a kind of unspoken shorthand which allowed to exchange sarcasm and snark without uttering a word.

I know that lots of people develop friendships with their co-workers. It’s only natural. After all, you’re with each other for many of your waking hours, so why not make the best of it? But I like to think that we really had something special with that team at Etown.

None of us is there anymore. Joe, of course, was the first to go. Dan was next, although he did come back for a short while, after which he ended up with Joe at Exeter. Mike left for the IU in 2007, Dave took a teaching job in 2008, and I landed at Manheim Township in 2009. Tom held out until 2011, when he moved over to the School District of Lancaster.

And that was that.

But we still stay in touch, and we try to organize semi-regular gatherings where we all get together. The six of us went through a lot together, and even as life pulls us in different directions, we’re bound by the time we spent in the Technology Department of the Elizabethtown Area School District.

I am thankful for the Etown Survivors’ Guild.

Thankful #7: My Grandparents

Today I am thankful for my grandparents.

Where to even begin?

I remember big family vacations to Florida, Ocean City, and more.

I remember spending every Friday and Saturday night at their house for years and loving it. We’d go out for dinner, go shopping, watch some tv, go to church, and wrap it up all on Sunday afternoon with a big family dinner.

I remember them buying me my first new car as a college graduation gift: a 1996 Geo Tracker that I miss to this day.

I remember Grandma’s banana cream pie being the best food in the world.

I remember trips to Nags Head where I was the only kid and I felt like one of the most special people in the world.

I remember them showing up unannounced to plant a tree in my yard once, because they figured it needed one.

I remember them regularly traveling to their home town to take care of their elderly relatives.

I remember family holidays with so much food that if you went hungry, it was your own fault.

I remember watching Pop-Pop mowing the yards of his (sometimes much) younger neighbors, just to be neighborly.

I remember that their lives are, and always have been, marked by service, contentment, and patience.

I truly would not be who I am today without them.

I am thankful for my grandparents.

Thankful #6: My Nieces & Nephews

Today I am thankful for my nieces and nephews.

I love kids. Jen and I have been working with kids, together and individually, for a very long time. Of course, we have our own kids, but we have also taken great delight in our nieces and nephews.

I remember vividly when our first nephew, Christopher, was born in 1996. Jen and I were housesitting for my sister and her husband while they were at the hospital. Chris is now, unbelievably, sixteen years old. He has become a monster of a young man, at slightly under eight feet tall. I exaggerate, but he is seriously tall, like his dad. I love that Chris and I can talk about nerdy things like PHP and JavaScript and CSS.

Chris’s younger brother is Ben, who was born a few months after my daughter. Ben was built like a barrel as a baby, and I predicted he would be a linebacker. I wasn’t too far off, as he is definitely an athlete, although he prefers baseball and basketball. But, lest you think he’s just a jock, I’ve never seen anyone dominate the Nintendo Wii the way Ben can. That and Bop It. Watching Ben play Bop It can be a zen experience.

My niece Emmi was born shortly after Jonathan moved in with us. I take great pride in having been Emmi’s favorite between Jen and me. Any time the extended family was together, Emmi would see me across the room upon arrival and shout, “Uncle Brad!” before making a beeline straight to me. That used to drive Jen crazy since she’s used to being any kid’s favorite person. I honestly think it’s because I’m bald and I was easier to pick out across a crowded room.

Which brings us to Cate, Emmi’s younger sister. She definitely stands in contrast to her sister. Where Emmi is bold and adventurous, Cate is more reserved. Where Emmi is rough and tumble, Cate is (usually) more gentle and delicate. She’s a beautiful child, and she has a wonderfully adorable voice that can alternately bring me to laughter and tears.

Naturally, I love my own kids with all my heart. But these four – Chris, Ben, Emmi, and Cate – I love them, too.

I am thankful for my nieces and nephews.

Thankful #5: My In-laws

Today I am thankful for my in-laws.

I can always tell when my mother-in-law has been at my house for any length of time: the pile of dishes that normally fills up the sink until one of us finally loads the dishwasher is gone, and those dishes are drying on a tea towel on the counter.

And I can always tell when my father-in-law has been at my house for any length of time: I’m tired, because we’ve probably been working on a home improvement project of some sort.

A lot of people makes jokes about their in-laws, and I’m certainly no exception, but in my case it’s important to point out that the humor is underscored by genuine affection for my wife’s family. In all reality, I couldn’t have have asked for better in-laws than Mary Anne and Clair. Well, I guess I could have asked, but I probably wouldn’t have gotten them.

As I listen to some of my friends recount their experiences with their in-laws, I become more grateful for mine. So even though my mother-in-law cheats like a fiend at Words with Friends, and even though my father-in-law uses way too much caulk, I wouldn’t trade them for any other set of in-laws.

I am thankful for my in-laws.

Thankful #4: My Parents

Today I am thankful for my parents.

I was blessed to be born into a stable family. As I grew up and many of my friends’ parents went through divorces, mine stayed together. For that I will always be grateful.

I’m also thankful for the sacrifices they made for me over the years. When I was younger, my mom was always with me, and some of my favorite memories are of those times. Later on, my mom worked, partially to pay for my college education, which allowed me to enter my adult life with no financial debt (at least until I married Jen, but that’s another story!).

And it must have been a sacrifice those years I spent learning to play guitar. I must have made an awful racket.

My dad still helps me in so many ways, whether it’s something small like moving some furniture or a huge project like the fence he built in my backyard a few years ago.

We’re still close, another thing for which I’m thankful. We don’t see each other as much as I’d like, but that’s mostly my fault, since I’m terrible at keeping in touch with people. But one of my great joys is the relationship between my mom and my daughter, her only granddaughter. They have such a special bond and enjoy each other so much, and watching them spend time together, whether shopping or spending a few days at the bay, makes my heart glad.

One way that I love to spend time with my mom is, believe it or not, online games. We always have a couple games of Words with Friends, Dice with Buddies, and Letterpress going. She taught me to appreciate language in unique ways, so it’s really a natural way for us to connect.

These days they spend a lot of time down at their trailer at Tuckahoe Acres, at least during the warm months. Not that I blame them; it’s wonderful down there. We try to visit as much as we can. I think we made it down three times this year. We always go to Grotto for a gluten free pizza, and I love going for a run near the bay where it’s nice and flat. I also enjoy seeing my dad interact with his Tuckahoe neighbors, always offering to help out with projects, fix things that need fixing, and lend out tools.

Plus their dog Gus is really cool.

I am thankful for my parents.