Tech Support Care and Feeding

Killer Robot1) Instead of “Hello” or “How are you today?”, greet me with “I’m ready to throw this stupid machine out the window.” That helps to give me the illusion that I make a difference in the world, since I can save this computer from certain destruction.

2) Ask me if I have “an extra laptop” for you. Because, surely, I have lots of spare equipment sitting around unused. That’s why I use a four year old PowerMac G3 as my web server.

3) Don’t ever try to restart your computer when you have a problem, even though that solves many, many technical problems. It’s much better use of my time to spend fifteen minutes walking or driving to your location and restart the computer myself to get the print queue going again.

4) Don’t write down error messages. I love a good mystery. And keep the description of your problem as vague as possible. After all, the computer is hard to use, so it should be hard to fix.

5) Tell me things like “I never use this stupid computer anyway” after I spend an hour fixing a trivial problem at your urgent request.

6) Ask me to fix your personal computer. Better yet, bring it to my desk and wait for me to fix it. While I’m eating lunch. I love that.

7) Ignore any memos that I send out, especially the ones marked Urgent. If it’s important, I’ll come and find you to talk to you personally.
8) Install each and every piece of freeware and shareware you can find. No problem; I’m sure none will do anything nefarious or conflict with anything critical. But, when I send you an update to an internal application I wrote, be totally clueless and refuse to drag and drop it to the proper location yourself.

9) Change email programs yourself. Our “standards” are really just recommendations. If you want to use a different email program, that’s perfectly fine. We love maintaining user directories in multiple formats to suit you. And make sure you do all of your word processing in a six year old bootleg copy of WordPerfect.

10) Bring in your own equipment and hook it up to the network. We love seeing mysterious DNS entries and rogue servers, especially if they don’t have any virus protection on them.

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Brad and Jen

Just checking through my referrers and such and discovered that one person found this site by typing “brad and jen rumors” into a search engine. They must have been rather disappointed to find this Brad and my Jen. Fortunately for them, we’re the better-looking Brad and Jen duo.

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Dog Food

SatchelI’ve released tangelo 1.0b3 to my beta testers. I indicated to them that this release is code-named “The Appetizer.” 1.0b4 will be the “Dog Food” release, at which point I’ll begin to use tangelo for this weblog. I’ll be, as they say, eating my own dog food.

This means I have to figure out how to get posts from Movable Type into tangelo, since I’m sure as crap not re-typing them all 566 of them. The first thing to try is the default export format from Movable Type. If that works, that will make life a lot easier for me, and for anyone moving from Movable Type to tangelo.

I also have to choose a commenting system to use until I develop my own. Hopefully I can salvage all 669 comments as well, because there’s stuff in there that shouldn’t be lost. Well, OK, some of it maybe should be lost, but there’s still some really good stuff in there.

By the way, whoever’s been stuffing ballots for Snow White: knock it off.

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Once And For All

Let’s put it to a vote.

Hottest “Princess”

Ariel
Belle
Cinderella
Jasmine
Mulan
Pocahontas
Sleeping Beauty
Snow White

Vote
View Results

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Princess Issues

Gracie has a bunch of books about Disney Princesses. This is, I believe, to be expected. She’s a four year old girl, and very much into things that are girly and pink. Disney Princesses fit the bill quite nicely.

But she has one book that lists eight princesses: Snow White, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Ariel, Belle, Jasmine, Mulan, and Pocahontas.

I have issues with this; I don’t think they’re all princesses.

BelleSnow White is definitely a princess. That isn’t even up for discussion. Same goes for Sleeping Beauty. Even a cursory examination of these stories clearly reveals the characters as royalty (or royalty in exile). Cinderella I can also accept. Although she doesn’t begin life as a princess, she marries a prince.

Those three are easy. The others are a bit trickier.

Ariel: yeah, she’s a princess, I guess. Her father is the King of the Sea, so that makes her the mermaid equivalent of a princess. And even if you don’t buy that, she marries a human prince at the end. I’ll also take Jasmine as a princess or princess equivalent, since her father is the sultan.

So we’re up to five bonafide princesses so far.

Belle, one of the “Classic Six” as near as I can determine, is problematic, so I’ll get back to her in a moment.

Mulan I’m rejecting out of hand. She’s not born into royalty. She doesn’t marry into royalty. She doesn’t marry at all, in fact, at least within the story as Disney tells it. I suppose a romance and eventual marriage are implied, but even so, her beau isn’t a prince. He’s a soldier. True, he’s a high ranking soldier, but that’s not quite the same as a prince, now is it? So, I’m sorry, but Mulan doesn’t make the cut. Great soldier, but no princess.

As for Pocahontas, I could go either way. Her father is the chief of the tribe, but that does that really qualify as royalty? Especially in that culture? I don’t know. Like I said, I could go either way. We’ll count her as a half princess.

Back to Belle. As far as I’m concerned, Belle is no princess. Allow me to explain. She’s the daughter of an eccentric inventory, not a king, so she’s not born into royalty. She does marry a “prince” at the end of the story, but for me, it’s the princeliness of the former Beast that raises the most questions. I don’t think he’s a genuine prince. He lives in some huge castle in France, near a village where no one even knows about the castle. None of the villagers seem to be aware that there’s a prince in the proximity, and there doesn’t seem to be any other sort of constituency within a reasonable distance of the castle. So what, exactly, is the Beast the prince of? Just the castle? Hogwash. And where are his parents? In the story, he must fall in love by either his eighteenth or twenty-first birthday (I forget which). How did he amass such wealth and power so early in life, and apparently entirely on his own? He even has a full staff at his disposal. Obviously, the Beast attained his position illegally. I think he sold steroids to Gaston and his cronies. I reject the Beast as a prince, so that rules Belle out, much as it pains me, because she is the second hottest of the so-called princesses.

So out of eight potential princess, we have five and a half.

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Better And Better

iTunes MosaiciTunes just keeps getting better. The new 4.5 release adds a slew of great features, including some I’ve wished for. The best is the new ability to add Music Store preview tracks to your own playlists. I’ve wanted to do this for a while, because many times I’ll browse the store and think, “Oh, I want to buy that later,” only to forget within minutes. Now it’s not a problem.

Don’t miss the free songs they’re giving away. I just snagged “My Hero” by Foo Fighters after upgrading. Check out music videos and movie trailers, too. The new Disney section gives me a great idea for a birthday present for Gracie: her own custom mix CD, chock full of songs that won’t annoy Daddy in the car.

Printing CD inserts is a really nice touch, too. The mosaic on the left was generated from my Purchased Music playlist. Party Shuffle seems cools, but Jen and I will need to have another Un-Valentine Party so I can check it out. I haven’t tried Apple Lossless yet, since AAC and higher bit rate MP3 compression are acceptable to me, at least considering the file size trade-off.

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This Weekend

This weekend, I…

- mowed the front yard for the first time this year, nearly obliterating my lawnmower in the process. I should have mowed sooner, but I didn’t want to mow right after installing the invisible dog fence.

- finally saw The Passion of the Christ. Wow. What an amazing film. Incredibly moving and powerful. Yeah, in the end, it’s just a movie, and Gibson took a few liberties, but it’s a great movie. I highly recommend seeing this movie if you haven’t yet.

- released tangelo 1.0b1 to my testers. What? You didn’t get the message? Then you’re obviously not on the mailing list.

- was dismayed to realize that SQLite doesn’t support ALTER TABLE. That sucks. I’ve worked around it, but it still sucks.

- attended the newcomer class at LCBC. The best part was when the pastor pointed out that one of their leadership principles is to “eliminate entropy in its earliest stages.” Or, in other words, to change direction when something isn’t working, the earlier the better. My good friend Andy, who happens to be a hydraulic engineer, was sitting next to me. He loved it. Any church that can refer to thermodynamics in its leadership principles is OK with him. Plus, the pastor opened this week’s sermon by driving a Plymouth Prowler onto the stage, and you have to respect that.

- re-read a hilarious story about a blimp and alligator brains and a large, silent, menacing presence that could fly. If you’ve never this story, you must. It is absolutely hilarious and very well written.

- had a lovely evening with Jen on Friday. Grace had an impromptu sleepover at Jen’s parents’ house, so we had the place to ourselves, after the movie and dinner with a friend.

- fixed some issues and bugs for tangelo 1.0b2. Sunday afternoons can be very productive for me. We almost always eat lunch with Jen’s parents, at their house. After lunch, Grace plays Barbies and make-up with Nana and Jen while Pops settles in for a well-deserved Sunday afternoon nap. I break out the laptop and crank out code. I also revamped some of the button icons, with a little bit of help from Jen (the globe icon carries her influence).

- finally made it to Celebrate Life this morning to see Tanya and Steve. Steve wasn’t there.

- wondered where I’ll be working this time next month. I thought about PowerSchool, IMSeries, LDAP, and writing my own CMS from the ground up. I hope SwordFish is ready soon. I just sent an email to REAL Software asking if SwordFish will be available for beta testing the way REALbasic currently is.

- finished watching Pulp Fiction. I’m probably the only guy around who watched Pulp Fiction and The Passion in the same weekend. It was pretty good. It wasn’t as non-linear as Mike had led me to believe, but telling the story out of sequence was effective. It was the first of Quentin Tarantino’s films that I’ve seen. I’d watch another. I think Dan wants me to see Reservoir Dogs.

- decided that I will use four by fours to prop up the new gazebo. Or as the Engrish instructions call it, my Ancient Pavilion. Three stacked horizontally should do it. Then I’ll put some faux-stone paint on them.

- ate several bowls of sugar free ice cream with sugar free chocolate syrup. And yes, I paid for it. Several times.

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Crack Down

Looks like the FBI is getting ever more serious about copyright violations. This is good, as I feel strongly that they’ve been frittering away too many precious resources on frivilous pursuits, like catching killers and stuff.

Yesterday in Arizona, and allegedly in other places as well, the FBI raided Deer Valley School District: FBI agents raided the Deer Valley district’s Administration Services Center, just south of Deer Valley High School in Glendale, at 6 a.m. and stayed most of the day. The site houses the district’s information services and technology offices, essentially the “brains” of the district’s computer system, said Timothy Tait, district spokesman.

Interestingly, this copyright violation seems to be in reference to music and movies, not to software, which I would think is a much more viable target in cash-strapped schools.

Perhaps the FBI should be cracking down on poor editing at kpho.com (emphasis mine): Those agents will only confirm that they’re investigation does not involve terrorism or any kind of a threat to students.

Fortunately, the local Fox affiliate asked the tough questions: NewsChannel 3′s Olivia Fierro asked the FBI spokeswoman on the scene if the search was related to possible child pornography. Susan Herkskovitc said that people should not jump to any conclusions, and reiterated that the warrant is sealed. Cute.

Ars Technica’s Eric Bangeman writes: While this may be just the first in a series of law enforcement actions, it’s also possible that yesterday’s raids were a warning shot intended to put the fear of God into schools and school district network admins. What is glaringly apparent is that the DoJ is getting serious about cracking down on copyright issues. It’s a shame that they are more concerned with shielding the industry than looking out for the rights of consumers. Well put, although I do think many people, especially in education are horrendously guilty of copyright infringement, but have a tendency to stick their fingers in their ears and yell, “FAIR USE! FAIR USE!” That said, I do hope this is only a warning shot. If not, there are dark days ahead.

For more reaction and gnashing of teeth, read the related Slashdot discussion.

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Concert In The Park

In August, 2002, Anonymous Joe played a show in the Elizabethtown Borough Park as part of the Summer Arts Festival. Mike’s brother Jim was kind enough to record the show for us. I’ve finally gotten around to splitting out the tracks. So, here they are.

I had to remove the tracks that I can’t legally distribute (cover songs). Included are 13 Anonymous Joe songs, four of which we had never recorded before) plus a brief intro. All songs are ripped into MP3 format at 160k. They are properly tagged and even include (admittedly lame) album artwork.

The songs feature me on guitar and vocals, my lovely wife Jen on bass, and the multi-talented Steve Goss on drums and percussion. This was an acoustic show, so the songs have a pretty laid-back feel for the most part.

I used the wonderful open source program Audacity to split out the tracks and smooth out the opening and closing of each song.

Be forewarned: the ZIP file is over 60 megabytes to download.

Here’s a track list if you’re interested:
Welcome
Forever (never recorded before)
It Happens All The Time
Strange Days
If I Fell
Enough
Sorry
Burning Bridges
Lucy The Angel
Take It All Away
Call Your Name (never recorded before)
Waste (never recorded before)
Anymore (never recorded before)
No Soul For Sale

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Gmail and Other Delights

BBC: Gmail, the planned free e-mail service from Google, could be facing strong legal opposition in California. A draft law is being drawn up by local Democratic Senator Liz Figueroa, who calls Gmail “an invasion of privacy”.

What? Are you freaking kidding me? Legislation? Don’t you have anything better to do?

Wired: “We think it’s an absolute invasion of privacy. It’s like having a massive billboard in the middle of your home,” said Sen. Liz Figueroa (D-Fremont). “We are asking them to rethink the whole product.” Nothing like overstating things, eh, senator? Absolute invasion? Rethink the whole product? Come on!

Charles Cooper writes: This is the kind of technology advance that gives me the creeps.

Here are my feelings on Gmail. Take them or leave them.

1) Google is expanding, like it or not. I like it. I think it’s a good company that does good things. Are they entirely benevolent? Of course not. They have to make money somehow.

2) Google is really, really good at doing targeted ads, specifically non-obnoxious text ads. I don’t think that’s even up for discussion. So it makes sense that they would build on this strength.

3) They’re offering you a full gigabyte of storage. That’s a lot of email. I’m an email whore. I save every message I’ve ever sent or received in the last seven or eight years. I have about 300 megabytes of mail, less than a third of the storage that Google is offering.

4) You don’t have to sign up for it. Sure, if you do, your mail will be indexed and scanned for the purposes of presenting you with targeted ads. But you would have agreed to these terms in the process of signing up!

5) It’s not like there’s a group of people reading your mail. It’s not like John Ashcroft is scanning your messages. It’s all done by machine. Nobody’s invading your privacy.

6) Privacy is basically a myth anyway. Look, I have a four year old daughter. I forget what privacy is. No, seriously, anyone who is serious about privacy and security should know that email, by its very nature, is inherently unsecure and public in nature. Any script kiddie with a packet sniffer can read your email, folks, and that includes your account information and password. It’s not even a challenge.

7) The common retort I’ve seen can be summed up thusly: “Fine, don’t use it yourself, but remember not to send email to anyone using it, because now your mail is being scanned, too!” Two words: big whoop. I understand that email isn’t secure anyway. If I wanted it to be secure, I’d use PGP or GPG or PCP or something like that. Well, maybe not PCP, but hopefully you get the idea.

8) The only useful criticism of Gmail that I’ve read recently came from Mark Pilgrim, and it was all about accessibility. In another post, Mark writes about why he won’t be using Gmail: And not because of the much-discussed‚Äîand mostly specious‚Äîprivacy concerns. The day I signed my mortgage contract was the day They broke my spirit of any absolutist privacy fantasies I might have had growing up. Sure, privacy is important, but not enough to live in a cave with no credit cards.

9) If you think Hotmail and Yahoo! and whatnot aren’t scanning your messages, I have some real estate to sell you. Come on, I mean, really.

10) A ton of people will use it anyway, because they don’t care about privacy and such. And just like Hotmail, it will be very difficult to avoid coming into contact with a Gmail user. Like it or not, it’s going to be a big hit.

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