Author Archives: brad

Today I am thankful for my in-laws.

I can always tell when my mother-in-law has been at my house for any length of time: the pile of dishes that normally fills up the sink until one of us finally loads the dishwasher is gone, and those dishes are drying on a tea towel on the counter.

And I can always tell when my father-in-law has been at my house for any length of time: I’m tired, because we’ve probably been working on a home improvement project of some sort.

A lot of people makes jokes about their in-laws, and I’m certainly no exception, but in my case it’s important to point out that the humor is underscored by genuine affection for my wife’s family. In all reality, I couldn’t have have asked for better in-laws than Mary Anne and Clair. Well, I guess I could have asked, but I probably wouldn’t have gotten them.

As I listen to some of my friends recount their experiences with their in-laws, I become more grateful for mine. So even though my mother-in-law cheats like a fiend at Words with Friends, and even though my father-in-law uses way too much caulk, I wouldn’t trade them for any other set of in-laws.

I am thankful for my in-laws.

Today I am thankful for my parents.

I was blessed to be born into a stable family. As I grew up and many of my friends’ parents went through divorces, mine stayed together. For that I will always be grateful.

I’m also thankful for the sacrifices they made for me over the years. When I was younger, my mom was always with me, and some of my favorite memories are of those times. Later on, my mom worked, partially to pay for my college education, which allowed me to enter my adult life with no financial debt (at least until I married Jen, but that’s another story!).

And it must have been a sacrifice those years I spent learning to play guitar. I must have made an awful racket.

My dad still helps me in so many ways, whether it’s something small like moving some furniture or a huge project like the fence he built in my backyard a few years ago.

We’re still close, another thing for which I’m thankful. We don’t see each other as much as I’d like, but that’s mostly my fault, since I’m terrible at keeping in touch with people. But one of my great joys is the relationship between my mom and my daughter, her only granddaughter. They have such a special bond and enjoy each other so much, and watching them spend time together, whether shopping or spending a few days at the bay, makes my heart glad.

One way that I love to spend time with my mom is, believe it or not, online games. We always have a couple games of Words with Friends, Dice with Buddies, and Letterpress going. She taught me to appreciate language in unique ways, so it’s really a natural way for us to connect.

These days they spend a lot of time down at their trailer at Tuckahoe Acres, at least during the warm months. Not that I blame them; it’s wonderful down there. We try to visit as much as we can. I think we made it down three times this year. We always go to Grotto for a gluten free pizza, and I love going for a run near the bay where it’s nice and flat. I also enjoy seeing my dad interact with his Tuckahoe neighbors, always offering to help out with projects, fix things that need fixing, and lend out tools.

Plus their dog Gus is really cool.

I am thankful for my parents.

Today I am thankful for my son, Jonathan.

As I write this, I’m sitting in the waiting room of his therapist’s office, waiting for the 45 minutes to be up some can go home.

Jonathan has seen a lot of therapists and specialists and doctors and psychologists since we met him just under six years ago. He was about to have his fourth birthday at the time. Just after his birthday, he moved in with us, and about a year later, we went to the courthouse and officially adopted him.

He had a rough start to life, and he came to us with a lot of baggage. He’s still working through it all, and we still have a long way to go. That’s all on top of some physical medical issues that will likely never go away. Some of his diagnoses include reactive attachment disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, autism, organic brain damage, and expressive/receptive speech disorder. And that list isn’t exhaustive.

Raising Jonathan is hard. Some days it’s really hard and I don’t know if I can do it. By giving up isn’t an option, so we all press ahead, even when he’s defiant and demanding and aggressive. We choose to live for the moments when he’s quiet and charming and sweet. And they do happen. Maybe not as often as we’d like, but they do happen. Some days it seems like life will always be like this, and for all we know it will be.

But I’m thankful because Jonathan has taught me a lot. Aside from lots of information about various disorders, I’ve learned about unconditional love. My daughter Grace is easy to love, and she loves back without reservation. With Jonathan, love is a choice. When he hits and kicks and screams, I choose to love him. Because adopted or not, blood relation or not, I’m his dad, and that’s what dads do. They love their kids no matter what.

Today I am thankful for Jonathan.

Continuing with my thankfulness theme, today I am thankful for my daughter, Grace.

I am humbled and honored to be this girl’s father. I take no credit for what an amazing kid she is; she was born that way.

Her heart is bigger than it probably should be. She has more love to offer than I can imagine. This usually manifests itself as empathy for those who cannot take care of themselves, typically toward young children or animals. I have little doubt that she will one day have a house full or animals and perhaps adopted children. And I am always astonished at how well she treats and cares for her little brother, in spite of everything he puts her through.

She is creative and weird in wonderful ways, crafting bags, wallets, and even dresses from duct tape, constantly doing her brother’s hair is strange styles, and even designing complicated photo shoots for our pets, toys, and stuffed animals.

I begin every weekday with her. We’re the ones who get up earlier to get ready for school and work while the others sleep in a bit longer. I cherish these mornings with her, eating breakfast together, packing lunches, and trying to stay warm in the car while we wait for her bus to arrive.

We named her Grace because we truly view children as a gift from God. But I’ll tell you, we had no idea what a gift she would be.

I am thankful for Grace.

October is always a dark month for me. It starts to get colder, and I hate cold weather. The school year is getting into full swing, reminding me that I’m about to spend yet another year working in the public school system. And it’s the month that I remember my late son.

In fact, each yea, I’m usually thankful just to make it through October. So this year, I’ve decided to focus on that thankfulness, and what better time than November, leading up to Thanksgiving.

Each day, from now until Thanksgiving Day, I’ll write about something I’m thankful for, and why.

Starting today.

Today, I am thankful for my wife. I know that’s an obvious and easy choice to start with, but in this era of weak commitments and disposable marriages, I’m thankful for a faithful, loving, and beautiful wife.

We have been through a lot together over the past couple decades (we started dating in 1991 and got married in 1994). And I mean a lot: five homes, six foster children, three bands, four churches, one adoption, one stillbirth, one miscarriage, one dog, two cats, three fish, countless road trips, and one amazing daughter. Through it all, we have stood by each other, and we have not wavered in our commitment to each other.

And I couldn’t ask for a better mom for my kids. She is patient and kind with them, but firm when she needs to be. She consistently puts their needs above her own, even during her frequent illnesses and lupus flares.

And she is beautiful. And as if that weren’t enough, she gets more beautiful with each passing year.

Today I am thankful for my wife.