Category Archives: personal

Today I am thankful for my nieces and nephews.

I love kids. Jen and I have been working with kids, together and individually, for a very long time. Of course, we have our own kids, but we have also taken great delight in our nieces and nephews.

I remember vividly when our first nephew, Christopher, was born in 1996. Jen and I were housesitting for my sister and her husband while they were at the hospital. Chris is now, unbelievably, sixteen years old. He has become a monster of a young man, at slightly under eight feet tall. I exaggerate, but he is seriously tall, like his dad. I love that Chris and I can talk about nerdy things like PHP and JavaScript and CSS.

Chris’s younger brother is Ben, who was born a few months after my daughter. Ben was built like a barrel as a baby, and I predicted he would be a linebacker. I wasn’t too far off, as he is definitely an athlete, although he prefers baseball and basketball. But, lest you think he’s just a jock, I’ve never seen anyone dominate the Nintendo Wii the way Ben can. That and Bop It. Watching Ben play Bop It can be a zen experience.

My niece Emmi was born shortly after Jonathan moved in with us. I take great pride in having been Emmi’s favorite between Jen and me. Any time the extended family was together, Emmi would see me across the room upon arrival and shout, “Uncle Brad!” before making a beeline straight to me. That used to drive Jen crazy since she’s used to being any kid’s favorite person. I honestly think it’s because I’m bald and I was easier to pick out across a crowded room.

Which brings us to Cate, Emmi’s younger sister. She definitely stands in contrast to her sister. Where Emmi is bold and adventurous, Cate is more reserved. Where Emmi is rough and tumble, Cate is (usually) more gentle and delicate. She’s a beautiful child, and she has a wonderfully adorable voice that can alternately bring me to laughter and tears.

Naturally, I love my own kids with all my heart. But these four – Chris, Ben, Emmi, and Cate – I love them, too.

I am thankful for my nieces and nephews.

Today I am thankful for my in-laws.

I can always tell when my mother-in-law has been at my house for any length of time: the pile of dishes that normally fills up the sink until one of us finally loads the dishwasher is gone, and those dishes are drying on a tea towel on the counter.

And I can always tell when my father-in-law has been at my house for any length of time: I’m tired, because we’ve probably been working on a home improvement project of some sort.

A lot of people makes jokes about their in-laws, and I’m certainly no exception, but in my case it’s important to point out that the humor is underscored by genuine affection for my wife’s family. In all reality, I couldn’t have have asked for better in-laws than Mary Anne and Clair. Well, I guess I could have asked, but I probably wouldn’t have gotten them.

As I listen to some of my friends recount their experiences with their in-laws, I become more grateful for mine. So even though my mother-in-law cheats like a fiend at Words with Friends, and even though my father-in-law uses way too much caulk, I wouldn’t trade them for any other set of in-laws.

I am thankful for my in-laws.

Today I am thankful for my parents.

I was blessed to be born into a stable family. As I grew up and many of my friends’ parents went through divorces, mine stayed together. For that I will always be grateful.

I’m also thankful for the sacrifices they made for me over the years. When I was younger, my mom was always with me, and some of my favorite memories are of those times. Later on, my mom worked, partially to pay for my college education, which allowed me to enter my adult life with no financial debt (at least until I married Jen, but that’s another story!).

And it must have been a sacrifice those years I spent learning to play guitar. I must have made an awful racket.

My dad still helps me in so many ways, whether it’s something small like moving some furniture or a huge project like the fence he built in my backyard a few years ago.

We’re still close, another thing for which I’m thankful. We don’t see each other as much as I’d like, but that’s mostly my fault, since I’m terrible at keeping in touch with people. But one of my great joys is the relationship between my mom and my daughter, her only granddaughter. They have such a special bond and enjoy each other so much, and watching them spend time together, whether shopping or spending a few days at the bay, makes my heart glad.

One way that I love to spend time with my mom is, believe it or not, online games. We always have a couple games of Words with Friends, Dice with Buddies, and Letterpress going. She taught me to appreciate language in unique ways, so it’s really a natural way for us to connect.

These days they spend a lot of time down at their trailer at Tuckahoe Acres, at least during the warm months. Not that I blame them; it’s wonderful down there. We try to visit as much as we can. I think we made it down three times this year. We always go to Grotto for a gluten free pizza, and I love going for a run near the bay where it’s nice and flat. I also enjoy seeing my dad interact with his Tuckahoe neighbors, always offering to help out with projects, fix things that need fixing, and lend out tools.

Plus their dog Gus is really cool.

I am thankful for my parents.

Today I am thankful for my son, Jonathan.

As I write this, I’m sitting in the waiting room of his therapist’s office, waiting for the 45 minutes to be up some can go home.

Jonathan has seen a lot of therapists and specialists and doctors and psychologists since we met him just under six years ago. He was about to have his fourth birthday at the time. Just after his birthday, he moved in with us, and about a year later, we went to the courthouse and officially adopted him.

He had a rough start to life, and he came to us with a lot of baggage. He’s still working through it all, and we still have a long way to go. That’s all on top of some physical medical issues that will likely never go away. Some of his diagnoses include reactive attachment disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, autism, organic brain damage, and expressive/receptive speech disorder. And that list isn’t exhaustive.

Raising Jonathan is hard. Some days it’s really hard and I don’t know if I can do it. By giving up isn’t an option, so we all press ahead, even when he’s defiant and demanding and aggressive. We choose to live for the moments when he’s quiet and charming and sweet. And they do happen. Maybe not as often as we’d like, but they do happen. Some days it seems like life will always be like this, and for all we know it will be.

But I’m thankful because Jonathan has taught me a lot. Aside from lots of information about various disorders, I’ve learned about unconditional love. My daughter Grace is easy to love, and she loves back without reservation. With Jonathan, love is a choice. When he hits and kicks and screams, I choose to love him. Because adopted or not, blood relation or not, I’m his dad, and that’s what dads do. They love their kids no matter what.

Today I am thankful for Jonathan.