When me get back to apartment, after cookie binge, me can’t stand looking in mirror—fur matted with chocolate-chip smears and infested with crumbs. Me try but me never able to wash all of them out. Me don’t think me is monster. Me just furry blue person who love cookies too much. Me no ask for it. Me just born that way.
McSweeney’s continues to publish some of the funniest things I’ve ever read. Just the thought of Cookie Monster standing in his apartment, filled with self-loathing, is something I find hilarious. I highly recommend checking out some of their lists and Open Letters To People Or Entities Who Are Unlikely To Respond.
Of course, in our politically correct and hyper-sensitive world, Cookie Monster has declared that cookies are a “sometimes food” these days. Sacrilege.