You know, I don’t even remember who gave the speech at my college commencement nine years ago. All I remember, aside from the grad cap tanlines on my head, is waking up and telling Jen that I didn’t want to go, because, really, we were just as graduated without the ceremony. (Note: We got married the summer between our junior and senior years of college.)
She would have none of it, so off we went. Our parents were planning on being there anyway. I think we walked to graduation.
But I don’t remember who gave the speech. Certainly wasn’t anybody cool or famous.
So now I read that Will Ferrell did the speech at Harvard last year:
Ladies and Gentlemen, Distinguished Faculty, Administrators, Friends and Family and, of course, the graduating Class of 2003, I wish to say hello and thank you for bestowing this honor upon me as your Class Day speaker. After months of secret negotiations, several hundred secret ballots, and a weekend retreat with Vice President Dick Cheney in his secret mountain bunker, a Class Day speaker was chosen, and it was me. You obviously have made a grave error. But it’s too late now. So let’s just go with it.
And Jon Stewart was at William and Mary:
I know there were some parents that were concerned about my speech here tonight, and I want to assure you that you will not hear any language that is not common at, say, a dock workers union meeting, or Tourrettâ€šÃ„Ã´s convention, or profanity seminar. Rest assured.
Penn State had freakin’ Bono! But I doubt he said anything funny. He’s been remarkably non-funny lately.
But that’s not the kicker. Villanova had Big Bird AND Oscar the Grouch. That’s right, Caroll Spinney, and he did some of it in character!
Now if there had been muppets at my college graduation, I wouldn’t have had second thoughts about attending.