The Opus Interview: Anyway, I was the only one in that strip with the integrity to talk directly to the audience, even when everybody was screaming at me “Don’t look at the camera!” Besides, my nose looks smaller when it’s not in profile. Ah, Opus. It’s good to have you back. I feel like I’ve reconnected with the long-lost brother I never had.
Anomalies Unlimited: Jackson wore a surgical mask when entering and leaving the courthouse (gee..wonder why?). His former publicist says he routinely wears the mask “to protect his throat from pollution and germs”. Like that reason in itself is a perfectly normal one. You see anyone else walking around with surgical masks on? Perhaps it’s to hide the dead, rotting tip of his putty nose. Just to throw out an idea here. What I think we have here is the New Howard Hughes. No comment.
Michael Jackson Age Progression: If Michael Jackson did not have all his surgery over the years, this is how he might look at the age of 45. Again, no comment.
Sex Is Good: You’re right. It was a hoax. And a mighty successful one. The website that posted the original article received more than 667,000 hits on a single day soon after the story broke.
Fellowship of the Nitpickers: Yeah, we started with the pus and then we got just a bit revolted by it. So we eased back on the pus. We didn’t think Elijah looked very good with pus. Speaking of LOTR, if any of my loyal and faithful friends want to take up a collection to buy me the extended edition of The Two Towers since I can’t go to the marathon, I wouldn’t argue with you. Well, I mean, I’d fake argue, but I wouldn’t mean it.
Citizen’s Self-Arrest Form: A proposition has been announced recently to help reduce the deficit and to “Take A Bite Out Of Crime.” If you witness a crime, it is your civic duty to report the crime to the police. When a crime is committed, you have the right to make a “Citizen’s Arrest”. Thus, if YOU commit a crime, it would be extremely helpful for you to perform a Citizen’s Self-Arrest. Fill out the form, to complete your Citizen’s Self-Arrest. This could catch on. I mean, there are some really stupid criminals out there. Who knows how far this could go?
The Product Placement Bible: Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies; thou anointest my head with Brylcream; my Super Big Gulp runneth over. This has got to be evil on like nine different levels.
DVD Demystified: Okay, so here’s the story. There’s this new technology that’s really new, and, if you’re as techno-savvy as I am, maybe you’ve heard about it. It’s called DVD which stands for Digital TV Disk, and it’s as good as being in the theater! Really! It looks just like one of those silver music CD disks, except it has moving pictures on it. How do they fit all those moving pictures on that tiny disk? Well, I’ll tell ya, it’s digital. (Thats the Digital part of DVD.) And by digital, I don’t mean numbers that count up and down when you turn the knob to change the channel, no sir. By digital, I mean not analog. Check out the rest of Big Earl’s site while you’re at it.