Wow, today's one of those news days that money can't buy.

In Vacaville, California, a man found a pit bull in his car. In the engine. Yeah. Picture here. That's pretty odd, I'd say.

And in my own hometown of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, the 600 block of South Queen Street has been shutdown by a spill. What spilled? Vegetable oil. I'm just picturing all the cards skidding around the road, sliding in the oil. In my mind, one driver finally gets out of his car, only to slip in the oil and fall hilariously.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

Top 278 Star Wars Lines Improved By Replacing A Word With "Pants".

Some samples:
These aren't the pants you're looking for.
Search your pants, Luke. You know it's true.
I cannot teach him. The boy has no pants.
He has no time for smugglers who drop their pants first sign of Imperials
Lock the door. And hope they don't have pants.

And the best one of all: I find your lack of pants disturbing.


Since this is a family friendly weblog, I should point out that the link contains some innuendo, but it's pretty freakin' funny.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

Events described in the Alanis Morissette song that are...

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

This winner, hands-down, is Mac OS X Hints, who for a brief time this morning, became Mac OS 9 Hints. They even redid the site theme with a Mac OS 9 platinum-esque look (which was actually really good). They've since come back to the present, but not before posting a slew of hints related to OS 9. Wow, OS 9 seems like so long ago now. Anyway, major kudos to Rob Griffiths and crew for a prank well done. Check out a PNG of the full spread.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

Tomorrow is April 1. My favorite holiday. Frivolity awaits!

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

Wow, these are pretty funny. Here's my favorite of the bunch: Garlic, The Silent Killer.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

94% Geek

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

Terrible. Absolutely terrible. I love it.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

Find out here.

Post your score in the comments. I scored a 27, and quite frankly, I find that horrifying.

Plus meme is a stupid word.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

Okay, since September 12, I have found four freaking slugs in my office/laundry room. I don't know how they're getting in or what they want from me, but I'm starting to get seriously freaked out.

That is all.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

The Onion: The D chord, famed for its part in innumerable classic rock songs, including "Back in Black," "Bad Moon Rising," and "Don't Be Cruel," was retired Tuesday during a ceremony at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Museum.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

Any webcomic that has a joke about student information systems will always have a special place in my heart.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

Via The Onion:

"At the current rate, we believe that at this time a sea change will occur in which people will look down at their glossy white or black devices and feel a sense of embarrassment and gullibility," Goldman Sachs analyst Steven Shore said. "They will realize that, despite all the sleek design, they got caught up in a wave of hype that made them shell out additional hundreds of dollars for options and features they didn't need. Until then, I would like to point out that my iPhone is awesome."

Reference

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

Via Sam's random musings:

Now That’s Recycling:

Seen in a parking lot in Warwick, Rhode Island.

Reference

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

Google Launches 'The Google' For Older Adults:
"All you have to do to turn the website on is put the little blinking line thing in the cyberspace window at the top of the screen, type 'thegoogle.com,' and press 'return'—although it will also recognize http.wwwthegoogle.com, google.aol, and 'THEGOOGLE' typed into a Word document."

I love it.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

From Ananova: A Bosnian couple are getting divorced after finding out they had been secretly chatting each other up online under fake names.

Beautiful.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

Those of you who know me well know that my home office is currently a corner of my laundry room. It's not an ideal situation, but it's workable for now. It's quiet at night, since I'm on the other end of the house from the bedrooms, and it's nice and warm in the winter, between my space heater and the dryer.

But as I mentioned, it is not ideal. Last night was a reminder for me of why it's not ideal. I was planning some music for a show I'm doing with some friends on Saturday, and it was getting late, so I decided to turn in. As I turn around to put my guitar away, I gasped and jumped.

Why?

Because there was a five inch slug sitting on the doormat in front of the back door, not six feet from where I was sitting. It was oozing its nasty slugslime all over the doormat. I don't know how exactly it got in, except to say that my house is fifty years old and perhaps not as airtight as I might like to believe.

(As I write this, I keep looking behind me to make sure another slug hasn't snuck up on me.)

I know they're not harmful to humans (unless ingested, apparently, and disgustingly), but still. It was gross. I don't like bugs and creepy crawly things. I never went through that stage as a boy where I thought spiders were neat and interesting. All bugs (except ladybugs, grasshoppers, lightning bugs, and butterflies) have always creeped me out and given me the heebie-jeebies.

Plus, in reading the Wikipedia article I referenced above, I just learned that slugs are hermaphrodites, and I don't go for that kind of of nonsense in my house. I mean.... yuck.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Doesn't seem accurate somehow. Especially the Paris Hilton thing. She won't actually miss me that much. Although the hysterical laughter thing? That might be right.

In reality, I want my tombstone to say, "I told you I was sick."

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

This. Is. Awesome.



From the article:

Over the weekend, 7-Eleven Inc. turned a dozen stores into Kwik-E-Marts, the fictional convenience stores of "The Simpsons" fame, in the latest example of marketers making life imitate art. Those stores and most of the 6,000-plus other 7-Elevens in North America will sell items that until now existed only on television: Buzz Cola, KrustyO's cereal and Squishees, the slushy drink knockoff of Slurpees.

Found link via Slashdot.

I wonder if they have any sugar-free Squishees...

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

Sample:

1. Be clear when you direct your subordinates. Yell in a really deep, powerful voice to drive it home. (A New Hope, boarding the rebel ship at the beginning of the film.)

From the very start of Episode IV, Vader is a man who is direct about what he wants. When he tells his commander to tear the rebel ship apart to find the plans, there is no mistaking what he wants. It's a pattern he continues throughout the saga. Nebulous, vague, non-committal; these words do not describe Vader.

Moderately amusing. Full article here.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

Wow, no. No, not really. Not at all. It's astonishingly wrong.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

This has to be one of the best headlines ever:
Skywalkers in Korea Cross Han Solo
Especially for a story that has nothing at all to do with Star Wars. I mean, wow. Somebody really put some thought into one.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

You know, I really like my iPod. I like listening to it, and playing games on it, and managing my contacts and appointments with it.

And you know, I really like my George Foreman Grill. I'm into low-carb, so the GFG is a very convenient way to cook up some leftover steak or chicken at lunch.

I can't say I've ever felt like the two belonged together.

But then I suppose I'm not as innovative as some people.

Introducing the iGrill: ten whole watts of audio goodness for $150, including a grill.

For the discerning fan of both meat and music.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

From Browser Wars IV: A New Hope

Luke Spyglass: "How did my father die?"

NCSA Mosaic: "A young web browser named Internet Explorer, who was a derivative of mine until he turned to evil, helped the Emporer hunt down and destroy the W3C standards. He betrayed and murdered your father. IE was seduced by the Dark Side of the internet."

I'm such a nerd that this is one of the funniest things I've read in a while.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

So April 1st rolls around again, but on a Sunday (Palm Sunday, to boot).

April Fool's Day on a Sunday isn't as much fun as a weekday. And in browsing the tech sites, it seems that everyone is either trying too hard, or not trying enough. For example:

According to Apple sources, OS 11 will move away from the BSD/Mach kernel used in OS X, and adopt the Linux kernel instead, allowing users to make use of a far greater range of packages and hardware components.

See, that's not funny. Because a good April Fool's prank has to be believable. That's what differentiates a prank from just a stupid non-funny joke. Although, truth be told, I did enjoy this tidbit from that same article:

The tentative nicknames for OS 11 have also been leaked after Apple applied for their copyright. Whereas OS X naming was based on big cats (Tiger, Leopard, Jaguar, etc.), OS 11 releases will be named after bears. Here's the tentative list:
OS 11.0, "Polar"
OS 11.1, "Grizzly"
OS 11.2, "Panda"
OS 11.3, "Kodiak"
OS 11.4, "Sloth"
OS 11.5, "Sun"

I think 11.3 will rock.

I'll try to post a more complete roundup of this year's pranks tomorrow.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

How many of these stories can you correctly identify as real or hoaxes?

I got seven out of ten. Post your score in the comments.

PS: Using Snopes during the test is cheating.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

The greatest sound ever: The Wilhelm Scream:

Since it was first blurted out upon the world, the scream has been featured in over two hundred movies, TV programs, commercials, video games, and theme park attractions, and it has been heard by countless people. Notable filmmakers have also specifically requested the Wilhelm scream for their movies after learning of its history, including directors Quentin Tarantino, Robert Rodriguez, and Peter Jackson.

More at Wikipedia.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

Have a Merry Christmas, everyone!

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

Well, there seems to be a new trend in the technopolitical world.

First, Scott Adams (of Dilbert fame) endorses Bill Gates for president:

For my president I want a mixture of Mother Teresa, Carl Sagan, Warren Buffet, and Darth Vader. Bill has all of their good stuff. His foundation will save more lives than Mother Teresa ever did. He’s got the Carl Sagan intelligence and rational mind. He’s a hugely successful businessman. And I have every reason to believe he can choke people just by concentrating in their general direction. You can’t tell me that wouldn’t be useful at a summit.

And Scott also points us to the new Bill Gates For President Website:

Please don’t write this website off as a joke. We are serious. We’re not trying to make fun of Bill Gates what so ever. This website is made with the greatest respect for Bill and everything he has accomplished. We would also like to point out that we are not affiliated with Bill Gates in any way. We do this because we believe in Bill, nothing more, nothing less.

Wow. That's a lot to digest. Where to begin? I thought long and hard about what I should write on this topic. And then a Slashdot article came up, and I found a comment there by Crow T. Trollbot that percfectly sums it up:

A politician with the honesty of Bill Clinton, the dashing presence of Michael Dukakis, the sexy charisma of Hubert Humphrey, the commanding stature of Joseph Lieberman, the popularity of Gray Davis, the humble background of John D. Rockefeller, the down-home charm of John Kerry, the electoral experience of Pat Robertson, the honesty of Dan Rostenkowski, and the huge following of Dennis Kucinich!

Man, and people think Bush is an imperialist. Just wait, folks. You ain't seen nothing yet. Wait until President Bill tries to "embrace and extend" Canada.

I think Gore Vidal said it best:

Any American who is prepared to run for president should automatically, by definition, be disqualified from ever doing so.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

Reuters: Chess's world governing body will introduce dope testing at the Asian Games this week, although the sport's top official in Doha said he had no idea how drugs could enhance chess performance.

Ummmm..... okay.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

Touchstone Magazine (I don't read the magazine, but I do occasionally read the editors' Mere Comments website) has an interesting write up on what has become one of my favorite films (and I know I'll annoy Mike to no end by saying this): Napoleon Dynamite.

Jen and I watched it a few months back, and we laughed hysterically through the entire movie. Now, this may just be because we had watched The Squid and The Whale the previous night, which would make any movie look good by comparison.

But I digress.

Berry College professor Michael Bailey examines the film and finds much deeper than one might expect. Upon reflection, I think he may have some very good points, that the film makes some statements about isolation and family.

From the article:

Napoleon is, in effect, the anti-Ferris Bueller. He doesn’t want to have fun so much as simply to survive. He has no friends (at least at first), he gets bullied at school, and he is scared of chickens. In his fantasy life, in contrast, he is a superhero who shoots wolverines, joins gangs who want him for his skills, and forges alliances with wizards and our “underwater ally,” the Loch Ness Monster.

Seek happiness all you want, the movie seems to suggest, but if your heart is decroded, you will still be miserable, a man in body, perhaps, but still just an unhappy boy on the school bus.

It's an interesting read.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

Bacon........

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

1. Star Wars: The Mandalorian Armor by K. W. Jeter
2. Star Wars: Shadows of the Empire by Steve Perry
3. Star Wars: The Truce at Bakura by Kathy Tyers
4. Star Wars: The Courtship of Princess Leia by Dave Wolverton
5. Star Wars: X-Wing: Rogue Squadron by Michael Stackpole
6. Star Wars: X-Wing: Wraith Squadron by Aaron Allston
7. Star Wars: X-Wing: Iron Fist by Aaron Allston
8. Star Wars: X-Wing: Solo Command by Aaron Allston
9. Star Wars: The Paradise Snare (Book 1 of The Han Solo Trilogy) by A. C. Crispin
10. Star Wars: Rebel Dawn (Book 3 of The Han Solo Trilogy) by A. C. Crispin

Yes, I'm that much of a nerd.

But I only spent five bucks.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

No matter how tough, no matter how strong, every man becomes a total, sniveling wimp when there's a stretched rubber band pointed at his face.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

Reuters: A kangaroo is roaming the green hills of Ireland after escaping a circus near the picturesque port of Kinsale.

Circus staff launched a fruitless four-hour search following the escape Sunday... "He would be happy out there and he'll have plenty of grass, plenty of water and plenty of sunshine," Walsh told Reuters on Wednesday as Ireland basked in near record temperatures more typical of Sydney's native Australia than Ireland's temperate maritime climate.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

Something very cool, brought to you by people who apparently need some sort of hobby: Human Space Invaders Recreation


Wow, that really must have taken a loooong time to film. But it's even cooler than Irish kangaroos.

Via Gadgetopia.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

Via The Dilbert Blog:

One of the perks of being a big-time celebrity cartoonist involves using a vacuum cleaner to get rid of ants in the kitchen. Before I made it big, I couldn’t afford a vacuum cleaner. I had to shout at the ants to scare them away. In retrospect, I don’t think ants have ears, because yelling never worked. Sometimes I had to keep my snacks in a wooden bowl floating in the bathtub. Eventually, when the ant army built up to the point where they could lift me in my sleep – but before they could get me down the ant hole – I would give notice on my apartment and find another.

Reference

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

Reuters: A South Korean man upset at not being able to find a job protested his plight by climbing into a zoo pen with a pair of rhinoceroses.

Well, that just sounds super-productive. I'm sure it will help him find a new and better job right away. Lots of high-paying companies are probably in the market for a new desperate idiot.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

From McSweeney's Internet Tendency:

When me get back to apartment, after cookie binge, me can't stand looking in mirror—fur matted with chocolate-chip smears and infested with crumbs. Me try but me never able to wash all of them out. Me don't think me is monster. Me just furry blue person who love cookies too much. Me no ask for it. Me just born that way.

McSweeney's continues to publish some of the funniest things I've ever read. Just the thought of Cookie Monster standing in his apartment, filled with self-loathing, is something I find hilarious. I highly recommend checking out some of their lists and Open Letters To People Or Entities Who Are Unlikely To Respond.

Of course, in our politically correct and hyper-sensitive world, Cookie Monster has declared that cookies are a "sometimes food" these days. Sacrilege.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

Via The Dilbert Blog:

Savannah: “Scott, did you tell Justin that pedaling backwards makes you weaker?”

Me: “Um…I might have.”

It was then that I realized I probably ought to undo some other things I had told them, before they mention those things in school and get put in some sort of slow learner program.

Read the whole story for a good laugh.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

Subject: Gouranga
From: Neateye <nitaigouranga@aol.com>
Call out Gouranga be happy
Gouranga Gouranga Gouranga!
That which brings the highest happiness...

Wow! Not just any happiness, but the highest happiness! Rock on!

Initially, I figured Gouranga was a made-up word. I suppose this shows a certain level of cultural ignorance on my part, but I get a lot of weird spam that borders on beatnik poetry written in Esperanto. If you want to know what it means, WikiPedia can hook you up: Gouranga, or Gauranga, is said to originate in the Hare Krishna religious movement, whose founding father, Shri Krishna Caitanya Mahaprabhu, was also called Gaura, or Gauranga. In popular culture it is accepted generally as a word meaning simply 'be happy', although the literal Sanskrit translation is 'light/golden-limbed'. Ummmm... okay.

This was weird enough for me to do a little bit of Googling. Turns out, I'm not that special: other people have gotten this same message. I guess that shouldn't bother me. I mean, really, once I have the highest happiness, I'm sure I'll want to share it with everyone possible.

I guess.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

Is Dr. Pepper the Lando Calrissian of Sodas?

From Stuffo.com:

It was an ordinary Sunday night. Maybe a little rainy. It had been a long day. On the way home from the charity center I stopped at a gas station convenience store to quench my thirst. My hands were gnarled from long hours with a spoon and toothpicks, and my haggard frame barely held up my suit. I didn't need much, just a little pick-me-up to take the edge off. I instinctively reached for something from the cold case, but as I grabbed for my usual can of Diet Coke my eyes came to rest on a strange new something. That something had 25 letters and red and yellow stripes. It had three flavors in its name and sported the title of a professional -- a physician no less. I'm not one to take chances in life, but something about this stocky, stripy stranger and her erudite airs was giving me the spins. I fell for her, and I fell hard.

So it's not just me, then. That's good to know. I am hooked on this stuff. And the new Diet Berries & Cream Dr. Pepper, too. The stuff is like liquid crack.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

You're not going to Adam and believe this...

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

This is hilarious. Harrison Ford was recently a guest on Conan O'Brien's show, presumably to push his new movie Firewall.



Conan brought up the ill-fated Star Wars Holiday Special. Harrison Ford's reaction is priceless.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

Via Bash:

<sic6sic> "The very existance of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, 'You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to'"

Reference

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

Gracie went to the neighbor girl's birthday party yesterday morning. It was held at Leisure Lanes, the local bowling alley. I haven't bowled in years, but it was fun. There were about a half dozen girls in Lane 1, and about a half dozen boys in Lane 2. Jen and I later rented Lane 3 so she could whoop me a couple times.

The bowling alley has a computerized scoring system, which is wonderful, since I never quite grasped the specifics of scoring the game. Each player enters his or her name into the computer, and when it's your turn, your name is displayed in big letters on the screen. However, due to space and/or resolution constraints, only the first six letters of your name are displayed when it's your turn; if the screen displayed more, there wouldn't be room for all ten frames and your total score. Personally, I would have just used a slightly smaller font, but that was the decision that was made.

This six-letter truncation was most apparent yesterday when a young lad named Christopher bowled his first frame. His truncated appeared in large letters on the screen: CHRIST. Amy, the birthday girl's mother, noticed first and announced to everyone that Christ was in the bowling alley. We all had a good laugh (I mean, sure, it wasn't side-splittingly funny, but it was a good try). As the laughter subsided, Bob, the birthday girl's father, quietly said, "He just had a big birthday or something, didn't he?" Now that one got me. Most of the folks either didn't hear it or didn't quite get the reference, but I was laughing at that well into the evening.

And for those of you keeping score at home, no, I didn't break 100 yesterday. But I'm OK with that.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

And here's the queen of them all. Enjoy.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

From DVD Verdict:

Jane Goodall's Return to Gombe is an aptly-titled documentary, for after many years of campaign and activism work for environmental protection, Goodall returns to the family of chimpanzees she began studying decades ago in Gombe Stream National Park in Tanzania. Much has changed since Goodall's last visit, including the usurping of the tyrannical alpha male, Frodo, the dominant chimp. Frodo is bullish and bad-tempered, and has terrorized his community of chimps, almost breaking Goodall's neck on one occasion and, more amusingly, beating the crap out of "The Far Side" cartoonist Gary Larson on a visit to Gombe. Well, maybe not 'amusing" per se, but certainly ironic. Anyway, the important point here is that Frodo is a jerk.

I haven't seen this film, and I most likely won't, but I have to admit that the spectacle of Gary Larson getting his butt kicked by a chimpanzee is pretty compelling stuff. You can't buy entertainment like that.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

I don't often read Penny Arcade (I get most of my web comics fix from User Friendly). But anyway, tonight I was reading a few cartoons and came across this one that made me crack up. Enjoy.

Actually, I laughed out loud at my computer a few times tonight. Check out this capture of an Easter egg from the upcoming Revenge of the Sith DVD (best if viewed under Windows; the Mac version of WMP messes something up, as usual).

Updated: link to dancing Yoda removed. The original was removed at LucasFilm's request. Click here to see how to access dancing Yoda on the Revenge of the Sith DVD.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

Who's coolest?

Cast your vote in the comments.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

Who's coolest?

Cast your vote in the comments.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

Via Ramblings:

I don't usually do lists like this, but this one seemed fairly interesting. You're supposed to bold stuff that applies to you.

I have..

smoked a cigarette
smoked a cigar
smoked a joint
crashed someone's car
stolen a car
been in love
been dumped
been fired
been in a fist fight
snuck out of my parent's house
had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
been arrested
made out with a stranger
gone on a blind date
lied to a friend
had a crush on a teacher
been to Europe
skipped school
seen someone die (if parakeets count)
been to Canada
been to Mexico
been on a plane
seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
thrown up in a bar
purposely set a part of myself on fire
eaten Sushi
been snowboarding
met someone in person from the internet
been moshing at a concert
been in an abusive relationship (emotional or physical)
taken painkillers
love someone or miss someone right now
laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
made a snow angel
had a tea party
flown a kite
built a sand castle
gone puddle jumping
played dress up
jumped into a pile of leaves
gone sledding
cheated while playing a game
been lonely
fallen asleep at work/school
used a fake ID
watched the sun set
felt an earthquake
touched a snake
slept beneath the stars
been tickled
been robbed
been misunderstood
pet a reindeer/goat
won a contest
run a red light
been suspended from school
been in a car accident
had braces
felt like an outcast
eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
had deja vu
danced in the moonlight
hated the way you look
witnessed a crime
pole danced
been obsessed with post-it notes
squished barefoot through the mud
been lost
been to the opposite side of the country
swam in the ocean
felt like dying
cried yourself to sleep
played cops and robbers
recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
sung karaoke
paid for a meal with only coins
done something you told yourself you wouldn't
made prank phone calls when you were younger
laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
caught a snowflake on your tongue
danced in the rain
been kissed under the mistletoe
watched the sun rise with someone you care about
blown bubbles
made a bonfire on the beach
crashed a party
gone rollerskating
had a wish come true
humped a monkey
worn pearls
jumped off a bridge
screamed PENIS in public
ate dog/cat food
told a complete stranger you loved them
kissed a mirror
sang in the shower
have/had a little black dress
had a dream that you married someone
glued your hand to something
got your tongue stuck to a flag pole
kissed a fish
worn the opposite sex's clothes
been a cheerleader
sat on a roof top
screamed at the top of your lungs
done a one-handed cartwheel
talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
stayed up all night
didn't take a shower for a week.
picked and ate an apple right off the tree
climbed a tree
had a tree house
are scared to watch scary movies
believe in ghosts
have more than 30 pairs of shoes
worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say
gone streaking
pushed into a pool/lake with all your clothes on
been told you're beautiful/handsom by a complete stranger
broken a bone
been easily amused
caught a fish then ate it
caught a butterfly
laughed so hard you cried
cheated on a test
have a Britney Spears CD
forgotten someone's name
French braided someone's hair
fallen asleep with your bf / gf
fallen asleep with someone you weren't going out with
cried so hard you laughed
mooned someone
had someone moon/flash you
slept naked

Reference

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

I came across a great quote today:

Two Texans were trying to impress each other with the size of their ranches. One asked the other, "What's the name of your ranch?" The rancher replied, "The Rocking R, ABC, Flying W Circle C, Bar U, Staple Four, Box D, Rolling M, Rainbow's End, and Silver Spur Ranch." Duly impressed, the questioner exclaimed, "Wow! That's sure some name! How many head of cattle do you run?" With a sad shake of his head, the rancher answered, "Not many. Very few survive the branding." And so it is with pride. Very few survive this deadly disease.
- Mary Southerland

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

What Audio Format are You?

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

Just for Dave, a pictorial vignette...


Click on the image for more.

If you want to know what led to this, you'll have to ask Dave.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

From Howstuffworks.com: Chances are that you have seen a lightsaber at one time or another, whether on the evening news or down at the local cantina. Therefore you know that a lightsaber is an amazing and versatile device that is able to cut through nearly anything in a matter of milliseconds.

Cool. I can't remember ever being as excited about a new Star Wars movies as I am about Episode III. Gracie and I just finished Episode I and tomorrow we're doing Episode II. I've seen them already, but it's always good for another viewing, and it's fun to watch Gracie discover the Star Wars universe. It's also fun to hear her talk about Dark Vader, Dark Maul, and Dark Sidious.

When Darth Maul first appeared, she said, "Daddy, is he good or bad?"

"He's bad," I said.

"I can tell," she replied. "I can tell by how he looks."

Which is good, becuase if she ever encounters a dude with six little horns and a painted face in real life, I hope she runs.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

Via Slashdot:

Viggeh! writes "An overly excited Jon S. von Tetzchner, CEO, Opera Software, today proclaimed at an internal company meeting that if the download numbers of the new Opera 8 Web browser reach 1 million within the first four days of the launch, he will swim from Norway to the USA with only one stop-over for a cup of hot chocolate at his mother's house in his home country, Iceland. The new browser was released Tuesday and was downloaded 600.000 times in the first 48 hours since release. The challenge will end on Saturday at 0900 a.m. CET, so if you want to try out some new software and make the CEO stick to his big words, download it at Opera's webpage(direct link)."

Reference

Interestingly, this is still not enough to make me want to try the new version of Opera. Anybody trying to make money selling web browsers in this day and age is deluded. I'll refrain from further comment.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

I can live with that.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

Tom and I were iChatting about the origins of our department's gaming names.

Me: I was always Rhino, for obvious reasons.
Me: Joe was Bulldog, because he looks like a bulldog.
Me: Mike was HowlinMadd, A-Team reference. H. M. Williams, H. M. Murdoch.
Tom: ahhh--thats' where the howlinmadd came from
Me: Remember that show?
Tom: yes, i remember the A-Team
Tom: i used to watch it all the time
Me: Dave didn't get the reference for a long time. When we finally explained it, he get offended and said he didn't watch the A-Team, because it was a kids' show.
Me: We said that's all right, we were just kids when it was on.
Tom: it was a kids show?
Tom: never
Me: That's what Dave says.
Tom: i'll still watch it when it's on
Tom: i still like trying to predict when the army jeep will flip
Tom: because it happens every episode
Me: I used to love that 45 minutes into every episode, they would have the "work montage" where you'd see everyone's hands busy at work on Hannibal's plan.
Tom: I love it when a plan comes together

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

I've been getting some amazingly good junk mail lately. I got one tonight that I just can't pass up; it requires a response. But emailing back to the sender is no fun, because I'd rather share the joy with you.

I visited truetech.org today and really like it. You have a good clean layout.
Oh, thanks, John! I've spent a long time refining the design, and I'm grateful that you find it attractive.

I've found your website to be a good fit for our visitors.
That's great! What kind of site do you have?

We run a Adult Lingerie & Sex Toy store and i would like to trade links with you. If you'd like to exchange links with us please add your inforamtion to our site at http://www.sextoys-247.co.uk/resources.html
Oh, my. Well, maybe you didn't read my site as thoroughly as you thought. I've got no problem with lingerie, or course, but I don't know if I want to advertise it on my personal weblog. And then, the whole "sex toy" thing might be a bit offputting for some of my readers (note to Mike: yes, not all readers, I know). Um, yeah. Oh, and you spelled "information" incorrectly.

You can see my site at http://www.sextoys-247.co.uk. I could give your site a prominent listing on my page at http://www.sextoys-247.co.uk/resources.html, if you would be willing to do the same.
Gee, I don't know, John. I'd be kind of hesitant to link to your site at all. I try to run things in a pretty family-friendly way and everything. And you want a prominent listing no less? I think I'm going to have to go ahead decline this one, John. I'm sorry it didn't work out, but, I just don't see much of a business case for either of us in this. Thanks for thinking of me, though.

I won't need his links soon anyway. I've got a business deal cooking with some dead general's son from Nigeria. I should pocket about a million bucks on that one. Sweet. Long live the InterWeb!

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

There's nothing quite like a nice juxtaposition.


This is a screen shot from UbiSoft's main page a few minutes ago.

I just love the thought of my five year old daughter looking for information about the new Winnie the Pooh game, only to learn that "on a hellbound vessel, everyone is dead weight."

I mean, really.

Very uplifting.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

Best.
Costume.
Ever.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

Halloween story for nerds: click here.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

The election looms near, although I doubt anyone really believes it will be resolved by this time next week. I expect it will drag on for at least two weeks past November 2.

I may or may not write something up on how and why I'm voting this year, but in the meantime, we can finally discover if Bill is truly White House material by seeing his score on this game. Actually, play it yourself, too. It's kind of fun.

Thanks to Dave, currently in San Francisco rubbing elbows with the Macintosh elite, for the link.

Vote Bill. A Desperate Choice for Desperate Times. Extra points to anyone who gets the reference.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

It just never stops. More spam...

Hi again,

Here is Ina Vang. I wite you because we are accepting your mortgage application.
Our office confirms you can get a $220.000 loÀn for a $352.00 per month payment.
Approval process will take 1 minute, so please fill out the form on our website:

[address removed]

Thank you.

Best Regards Ina Vang
First Account Manager

My Dearest Ina,
Well, with such an obvious command of the English language, you're definitely the first company I'll consider when I want a loÀn whose monthly payment is, for some perfectly valid and rational reason, higher than the actual loÀn amount. Unless that's supposed to be a comma there in the loÀn amount. When I need the loÀn, I'll make sure to wite you back wight away. Please bear in mind that the competition was tight, because I received the exact same terms (and messages) from Augustus Mcclendon (I find it fascinating that Augustus doesn't capitalize the second "c" in his last name), Janine Prather, and Michael Sloan. I figure you all must work out of the same office or something, right?

Thank you.

Best Regards Brad Rhine

PS: Ina, if you need any v1@agra or c|al1s, let me know. I know a guy and I can h00k y0u up.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

Remember all the fuss in the 80s about backward masking and the subliminal messages hidden in commercials, rock music, and such?

Remember the G.I. Joe cartoon series?

Turns out Destro did some backward masking in one episode. Check it out: In the G.I.Joe episode Sins of Our Fathers, Cobra Commander evokes a monster that dwelled in the ruins beneath Destro's ancestral home. Destro and G.I.Joe team-up and Destro uses an ancient chant to lure the monster away. Destro is voiced by actor Arthur Burghardt, Dialtone is voiced by Hank Garrett.

I'll admit here that I was, for all intents and purposes, a complete G.I. Joe junkie. I collected the action figures and sets, and I read the comic book religiously for several years, closely following the saga unfolding between Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow. I started to lose interest shortly after the quite ill-conceived Arise, Serpentor, Arise mini-series, though. By that time I was in seventh or eighth grade, and the whole "create-the-uber-evil-emperor-from-the-DNA-of-past-evil-people" theme was kind of silly.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

This is not surprising.

I wondered how long it would last.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

Your pirate name is:

Calico Sam Kidd

Often indecisive, you can't even choose a favorite color. You're apt to follow wherever the wind blows you, just like Calico Jack Rackham, your namesake. Even though you're not always the traditional swaggering gallant, your steadiness and planning make you a fine, reliable pirate. Arr!

What's your pirate name?

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

So the Olympics are over. All the athletes have gone or are going home and Athens is being swept up. We'll have to wait another four years for another Summer Games.

Truth be told, I really hate watching sports on TV. About the only thing I dislike more is actually participating in sports. All that running and jumping and... whoa... I'm getting tired just thinking about it.

But, I have to say, one sport I enjoy playing is volleyball. I don't know why, but I always found volleyball to be fun to play and rather satisfying as well. Maybe it's because you don't have to be in super shape or because you don't have to run much, but I like it. I really enjoy two on two, although it's a lot more work. And I actually enjoy watching it. Watching Misty May and Kerry Walsh mop up the court with every single was somewhat inspiring. I won't mention the other reason I liked watching them play, but it's probably obvious.

Anyway, volleyball is an OK sport. In fact, in college, I took Class Volleyball as one of my PE electives. I was thinking back to that class while watching the olympics the past couple weeks. I was in the class with three other English majors. I did my student teaching at the same time as one of them. I think his name was Tim. Tall guy, blond hair. He was a closet Mac guy, and I tried to coax him out, but Doom got the better of him. Anyway, the other two guys were kind of peripheral for me during my college career. In the cast list of my life, they would have been Other Volleyball Guy 1 and Other Volleyball Guy 2. We had a good time in the class, though.

Believe it or not, we four English majors were not stellar athletes, me especially (remember, this was college, so picture me with 50 pounds more than I have now). But we didn't care. We had a good time, but we annoyed the living crap out of the professor. Professor seems like a strong word. Professor of Volleyball? Anyway...

When the prof would give us advice, we'd twist it into Zen Volleyball advice and use it as a mantra. For example, one piece of advice the prof gave us was the deeply insightful: "Jump, find the ball, hit the ball." We turned this into: "Jump, find the ball, be the ball." Personally, I disregarded the prof's advice, and still do to this day. I prefer to know where the ball is before jumping, otherwise I'm just wasting jumps and looking more stupid than usual.

We always played six to a team, and the four of us would always team up together, much to the great disappointment of the other two players that got stuck with us, because we lost every single game we played together. We didn't just lose. We get creamed. Whooped. Cleaning of clocks. You name it. But we did it laughing, yelling to each other, "Be the ball!"

One day, apparently, the prof had had enough. After his demonstration, he told us to team up. So the four of us searched for two victims. But the prof stopped us. "No," he said. "No more."

We looked at each other in surprise.

"You guys are all on different teams from now on."

We sulked off and joined other teams, but Class Volleyball was never the same after that.

After class that day, I walked up to Tim and said, "You know what?"

"What?" Tim replied (since it was the obvious response to my prompt).

"We were mainstreamed today."

As education majors, we found this hilariously funny and laughed for a long time.

I ended up with a B in Class Volleyball, mostly because I had a positive attitude and I did well on the written final exam.

Seriously, there was a written final exam.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

You know, for a long time now, I've figured that TV had gotten pretty warped. But I think a lot of things follow a pendulum, and that soon TV would be improving again. Alas, I'm beginning to lose hope.

At the risk of offending reality show junkies, reality TV is simply one of the worst things that has ever happened. Ever.

And we've reached a new low. Introducing Dr. Love's Super Baby Making Show. Yes, that's the actual title, as reported by CNN. And in case you didn't guess, here's the goal: Ten couples from around the world could compete in a reality TV show in Singapore to see who can procreate first, the city-state's self-styled sex guru said Thursday. Yes, that's right, the first couple to get pregnant wins. I think they should have called it Making the Baby, in an homage to Making the Band, one of the worst shows ever to grace our airwaves, which incidentally gave us Otown, one of the worst "bands" ever.

At least it's kind of for a good cause. I mean, aside from making babies, which is almost always a good thing. But part of the goal is to encourage Singaporeans to have more kids, since their population has been on the decline.

According to the article, nine foreign couples and a Singaporean couple will take part. I sincerely hope that one of the foreign couples is not this German couple: A German couple who went to a fertility clinic after eight years of marriage have found out why they are still childless - they weren't having sex. Yes, the childless couple hadn't yet sealed the deal, so to speak. Of course, abstinence is the best birth control, but only when you're trying not to get pregnant.

More from the article: The 30-year-old wife and her 36-year-old husband are now being given sex therapy lessons while the university clinic undertakes a study to try to find out if there are more couples with a similar lack of sex education. Good for them. You know, this could really enhance their marriage.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

Are these people computer programmers or serial killers? Find out here. I scored 6/10.

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |

Which Nigerian spammer are You?



Which OS are You?

Posted in the section Stupid Stuff | # |